Yup I got these too but I must admit these are not as bad as the daddy ones! Well the story goes that my mum left me at the tender age of one or my dad took me away from her at that tender age I’m not really sure how it went however that all just wasn’t cool. My mom I remember first seeing when I was 5 then 8 then 12 and then 14 these were ages I went on holidays to visit my mum as a child.
Now a mother is essential in a girl’s life as this is who she will relate herself too and receive all the love and affection she needs, I see this with my daughter I am her reassurance I’m the one that must always be present in a way I’m her security she knows I’ll never leave her and children need that! Unfortunately I never had that as a result I grew up very insecure and unsure, unsure of who to turn too who had my best interests at heart and who would be consistent in my life. This resulted in many panic attacks as a child as I would be very emotionally overwhelmed as I had no one to talk too or no one would help me deal with the situations I faced. I learnt to be there for myself from young and I learnt not to rely on people ever, or to be too hopeful and always expect the worst. This is not the ideal way of going through life as a child but it certainly is not the worst. I always hoped and prayed to live with my parent I dreamt of it many times but I never stopped living my life to wait for it to happen I was realistic as well.
Every time I saw my mum we clicked so well it was as though time had never passed while we were away! While we had great times together it didn’t stop me from being angry and bitter never towards but in my heart, I could never understand why she would be without me if she adored me so much! But I knew my mum was the one of my two parents that I actually had hope of building a relationship with emotionally. She seemed emotionally available but evidently scared though, from a realistic point of view both my parents were incapable of taking care of my sister and I, I knew I was better of living with my grandparents but one always wants some form normality. My relationship with my mum as I got older evolved I loved her she loved me but she was never prepared to give me explanations to let me know how I ended up living with my grandparents and I was never prepared to listen to her or trust anything she said.
When I was 18 my sister and I brought our mum to Harare to live with us and for her to get to know her grandchildren. I worked with my mum and my sister lived with her. I forged a good relationship whilst working with my mum but I could never get myself to fully trust her it was a work in progress situation but we got on well I let her into my life and we only ever had one fight! I enjoyed having a mum in my life it wasn’t easy as I was accustomed of being alone in this world now I had a mother I had to take care of and at times I must admit I would be angry and bitter and feel why I should I take care of her when she never extended the same courtesy to me. But I would get over it and take care of her the hardest thing was that we could never deal with the issues we had and move forward I hate unanswered questions or brushing things aside I like dealing with stuff and moving forward. Some things never happen as we would like three short years later my mum died and so did all my answers.
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