So it's been a long minute and I apologise for my silence life has been happening and mostly by life I mean adult education its intense and renders you lifeless at times. I have been growing and so much has happened and I will try and bring you up to speed,however my major breakthrough that has me out here breaking my silence is one of great importance and significance to me.
I read my blog the other day and I was almost brought to tears in sadness that I am in the exact same place now relationship wise that I was in many years ago and that reality cut deep. I then i came across a quote that said that God will keep giving the same lesson in life until you learn the lesson or something along those lines and so being the curious minded individual that I am I went to learn and understand my lesson so I stop the circling in insanity.
My search landed me in therapy, which I am so glad I went for and well in talking we unearthed my daddy issues and how I keep dating my father. As my dad was never really present in my life i spent alot of my childhood chasing him when ever I saw him and he would tell me I'm too much or I talk too much and this that or the other. He really gave me the impression that i was undeserving of his love and attention and that got embedded in my template and I came up with the idea that i am not good enough and therefore I should settle even though I'm very uncomfortable settling.
This great lesson demistifies alot of my struggles in relationships.I have kept myself busy not asking for too much and settling for men who are not brave enough to acknowledge my awesomeness and attempt to give me the love I deserve and desire. The very smart gentlemen I am attracted to that are master manipulators that use my honesty against me to keep me stuck in relationships that meet non of my needs but invoke me to give of all of me.
What a journey it had been and how I spent so much time searching and wondering what's wrong with me only to find out nothing at all. I am a Great multi talented beautiful woman whom in thirty years had not had her heart cared for the way she needs and this is not a call for sympathy but rather a celebration of knowledge. I am no victim and I allowed these relationships in my life maybe because of a subconscious indoctrination that was embedded in me from childhood however I know better now. I trust and love myself first and I will listen to the inner me more often and I'm sure I will save myself from alot of unnecessary pain.
I hope this blog resonates with someone who is frustrated because they dont get it why can't you find the right one? Hunny because the first relationship you have to win at is the one with yourself, keep shinning diamonds and continue to grow....
