The Testosterone Effect

I have been told many times I have male like mannerisms and my thinking is very different to that of most ladies especially when it comes to relationships. I do know that I was a tomboy when I was younger and I can agree that my thinking is very different, but what I am unsure of is whether or not this is a good or bad thing.

Most women dream of the finding the perfect man having the perfect wedding and living in the perfect house that, that man bought. In my world I am the perfect woman who has everything besides the perfect man (who I am unsure even exits). I prefer having my own cards to bring to the table and having enough power to commandeer respect from everyone. I like power and independence there is nothing better than calling the shots and having your opinions taken.

I am not the wife that sits and nods I’m the woman with an opinion to offer, however I do know how to respect a man and submit to him though he has to be very worthy of it. I don’t need to be taken care of however I am not looking to mother anyone either. I know who I am and where I intend to go in this life and I don’t have the time of day to deal with people that don’t (unless I do care for them). I don’t need a cheerleader but I need to know you love this woman and appreciate where she is on her life’s journey. I like affirmation, then again who truly doesn't  I strive for excellence and I like being the boss, I just can’t help that, this is who I am.

I enjoy having options I never want to be caught unaware; I need to know when, why and how as often as possible, I don’t just go with the flow I prefer being the flow. I am impatient I don’t like waiting if you don’t know what you’re doing I am going to do it myself, I hate relying on people I trust myself best I know how to always ensure the job is done. As long as I’m in the driver’s seat or I can influence the driver then I am in a very happy place, I’m not sure if there are other ladies that can relate but this is me and many say I got too much testosterone in me! Understandably but I just take control and responsibility of my life and if you’re looking for room in my life you need to make your presence known and felt.

Matthew Rusike Children's Home Gardening Day

As you may know I love helping out and as such I do a bit of charity work when I can, I co-ordinate outreach programmes, events and awareness raising campaigns for a foundation called the Art of Being Humane. I have been assisting here for a year now and one of our projects that I am very fond of is The Matthew Rusike Children’s Home. I have a weakness for children maybe because of my kids but I just feel that I should do all I can to help tomorrow’s future much brighter than ours and it begins with the children. I will be updating you all on the various projects we are currently running and keeping you in the loop in case you may want to help out too.

This is a new project that has begun due to an urgent need we have noticed. The main reason the Art of Being Humane Foundation picked Matthew Rusike as one of its organisations to assist of choice was because it had a very good sustainable development plan in place. When we met the Matthew Rusike Children’s Home director a year ago they had thriving chicken projects and gardening projects underway our job was solely to launch other projects. Whilst at one of our play days with the children we noticed a rather diminished, dry and bare garden.

This was very disheartening and as such we made it a priority to begin a gardening day, This day is set out for The Art of Being Humane volunteers to come out in their numbers to help in any way to revamp the Matthew Rusike garden as it is their lively hood.  Our first gardening day was on the 18^th of August 2012 and the turnout was very amazing fortunately we had a number of the members of a church to assist us. The garden’s state was a mess we had high hopes of planting seedlings and watering the existing crops but our plans had to change as the current vegetables were near death due to weeds. Our first gardening day became the deweeding day  we spent our morning deweeding in order to save the existing crops.

Below are images from our first gardening day on the 18th  of August 2012

Our next gardening day will be this weekend, Saturday the 22^nd of September 2012, I hope that we will all attend it in our numbers and help save the Matthew Rusike Children’s home garden. We may still have deweeding to do in addition to preparing beds and planting summer seeds before the rains if you have any experience at in gardening or have free time and wouldn’t mind learning how to get green fingers come along to Matthew Rusike Children’s home in Epworth from 9.30 am.

Emotional retard

Most people have deduced from my previous blogs that I hate men when honestly this is not the case however it has come to my attention that I have a general problem in the affection department. I don’t really seem to love a whole lot of people in my life or I am very selective about who I share my time, love, loyalty and affection with. I think it’s safe to conclude that I am an emotional retard this is because many times I fail to extend the love and affection that many around me may need and require.

This has been an interesting discovery  because to the few I do share my heart with, they can safely say I am a very loving person which is why it was hard for me to accept that I am selective about who I love. The real issue was tracing where and when this all began and I don’t do this because I need an excuse or I need someone or something to blame but rather  because when uprooting problems in one’s life it’s always best to uproot from the roots so the problem is sufficiently dealt with and this ensures that this doesn't reoccur.

I think the main missing element in my life has been the absence of my parents; I grew up generally without the normal family unit/body. As far as I can remember the two main people I always cared for were my grandmother and my sister mostly because we went through so much together. Our bond, love, trust and relationships were formed and strengthened over time and I can relate to this sort of process in all my relationships. The ones I hold dear are the ones I have gone through life with, they are my family and I fail to recognize my blood relatives that I have minimal interaction with. It is with great difficulty that I try and extend affection to those I share a blood line with but have no common ground with, nor any life experience with.

So I guess I grew up with very little affection and I learnt that people cannot be trusted, I would much rather be with the devils I know and as such I am a bit of a retard but the amazing thing is I so greatly crave affection and the few that do make it into the inner circle occasionally get showers of affection. Selective affection and love is what I think I suffer from and well if I take the time to get to know you I may grow fond of you so there is lots of hope for a positive change on my part. We all have bad habits we are struggling to grow out of this is my one. I am committed to amending this emotional dysfunction. 

A Goddess

A goddess is a woman who
emerges from deep within
herself. She is a woman who has
honestly explored her darkness
and learned to celebrate her light.
She is a woman who is able to fall
in love with the magnificent
possibilities within her. She is a
woman who knows of the magic
and mysterious places inside her,
the sacred places that can nurture
her soul and make her whole. She
is a woman who radiates light.
She is magnetic. She walks into a
room and male and female alike
feel her presence. She has power
and softness at the same time.
She has powerful sexual energy
that's not dependent on physical
looks. She has a body that she
adores and it shows by the way
she comfortably lives and moves
in it. She cherishes beauty, light
and love. She is a mother to all
children. She flows with life in
effortless grace. She can heal with
a look or a touch of the hand. She
is fiercely sensual and fearlessly
erotic and engages in sex as her
way to share with another in
touching the divine. She is
compassion and wisdom. She is
seeker of Truth and cares deeply
about something bigger than
herself. She is a woman who
knows that her purpose in life is
to reach higher and rule with love.
She is woman in love with love.
She knows that joy is her destiny
and embracing it and sharing it
with others to heal wounds. She
is a woman who has come to
know that her partner is as
tender, lost, and frightened as she
has been at times. She has come
to understand the scars of the
boy in him and knows that
together, love can be the relief,
the healing of their wounds. She
is a woman who can accept
herself as she is. She can accept
another as they are. She is able to
forgive her mistakes and not feel
threatened by another's even
when attacked. She is a woman
who can ask for help when she
needs it or give help when asked.
She respects boundaries, hers and
another's. She can see God in
another's eyes. She can see God in
her own. She can see God in every
life situation. She is woman who
takes responsibility for everything
she creates in her life. She is a
woman who is totally supportive
and giving. She is a
Goddess"..."