Setting yourself up for failure

So I have had this vision basically all my life that I need to strive for excellence and be the ultimate best in every possible way. Excellence is all I have worked towards most of my life even when I screwed up and got pregnant I was focused on being the best mum, wife, student, friend, daughter etc. Nothing was too much anything that came my way I could do, infact I had to do to prove that I was the cream.

I got so caught up in this race to perfection and in making myself faultless and irreplaceable that the perfection became my biggest fault. Perfection is apparently scary and very intimidating and very unnerving for men. Instead of embracing a partner that holds her own and supports you, you see her as a threat and you feel challenged and you end up sabotaging something that could have been amazing.( WHY guys why)

Now this is where it gets confusing because we tell ourselves all we got to do is work hard hold a job, have your own money and basically hold your own and if you do then you deserve a man who will love you and respect you and cherish you right? Erm well that isn’t exactly how it goes no matter how amazing you are there is a high chance that you’re going to meet a man that will disregard all that you stand for and basically try and wipe the ground with you (figuratively)  and have you second guessing yourself and nearing insanity. Then to top it all off while your in a disaster of a whirl wind relationship you witness a cheaper and easier class of woman getting the treatment that you worked so hard to receive and you have your WTF moment.

In this moment you ask yourself what the heck was it all for respecting yourself working hard and doing things the right way, was it all in vain was I setting myself up for failure? Is there still a class of men that respects women and appreciates a real woman when he gets one or is it all just about getting ass now, the easier it is the better? The current situation has me second guessing myself insanely. I was once told that the greatest crisis in life is expectation, so I guess it’s all up to ones self if you’re going to be perfect be just that but be it just for you and don’t expect to find Mr Perfect as he obviously does not exist. The best and safest plan is don’t expect anything at all let life surprise you at all times no wanting and hoping just be.

Losing the plot (manhating)

Apparently there is a thin line between healing a broken heart and becoming a man hater. I think that no matter how strong you are there is still going to be a level of resentment held against the opposite sex. It is inescapable where emotions are involved and well it is best that one rid themselves of such negative emotions rather than to tarry on with them. What I do not get is why venting ones negative emotions is turned into something as atrocious as man hating.

It is not that I hate the entire male species and I have eradicated the option of being in love from my mind altogether. I simply had a bad experience and I need a time out before I jump back in to the game. However during my time out I may seem as though I couldn’t care less about anything or anyone but it is just a defence mechanism. In one’s strength, they realise how weak they really are I would say. In as much as I was angry and hurt I ultimately just wanted to be loved and embraced but the only natural response was “keep em nigga’s away”. This was naturally dubbed as man hating and there the label was born, but gentlemen I don’t hate any of you I actually have hope that I am going to get it right eventually and when I am ready I won’t be afraid to try. (Note key word being WHEN I AM READY)

Now the reason this blog is titled losing the plot is simply due to the perception that a woman’s plot is to fall head over heals in love, thus man hating would be deemed losing the plot. I may have lost the plot but it was all in good reason. Now I am certainly not about to be falling in love at the moment but I’m sure not going to be angry at all men any more (cheers from all men now). In conclusion love has exit wounds which people should be given a period to deal with in which ever way they feel is necessary without being labelled. We are all entitled to our unique healing process’ and time frames in which to heal, so kindly let us heal in peace.

Whats life without adventure?

Of lately I have been living a throw caution to the wind kind of lifestyle and it has scared many of my friends and family. Mainly because they were afraid that it was just an act of rebellion or vengeance on my part but it really wasn’t. My lifestyle was so predictable and dull to say the least and well now I can mix it up as I please which is great, in all honesty what is a life without memories and moments to look back on and laugh?( just making stories to tell my grandchildren  one day).

I have always been a vibrant fun loving person but over the years I have tried to deny myself, I tried to be all mature and serious but inside I’m a crazy person that loves dancing, singing, laughing and I’m loud it is just me! I know many hoped that I would chill out being a mom and all but the whole experience didn’t change me and frankly I’m tired of the pretence (the cracken has been unleashed). I love my children but they need to know that their mum is a nut job and embrace her for what she is. This sounds a bit much to put it lightly but how many of us deny our true identity to please the masses, to fit in, or to secure our place in boring old society? Many times I have seen the look in some women’s eyes  literally saying I wish I had the courage to do that, and I have had the what the heck is stopping you look.

I don’t get it I have seen first hand just how short life is and how we are all just living on borrowed time so I feel I owe it to myself to be me and follow my heart. I only have one shot at this life and I plan to live it to the fullest, in everything I do I do whole heartedly with no regrets. This take on life and honesty is fulfilling I go to bed and sleep well knowing this is the real me and I am totally cool with her, (most of the time at least). Life is an adventure don’t sell yourself short being too cautious leave your mark on this planet I know I am……..

An Update

When I began my blog roughly about six months ago, I was at a very venerable stage in my life I had just discovered my husband was cheating on me and I decided to leave him. I was trying to set a standard in my life and live by this new standard and my blog was my inner voice advising me. Now it has grown and developed into a whole lifestyle I have had so many interactions with people that were pleased that I wasn’t afraid to share and it has helped many I am pleased to state but most importantly what has the journey done for me?

I have gone from being a broken soul to a shinning ray of light and I don’t say this to brag but healing is a feeling one can not deny. Through the break up I learnt that heart ache does exist and it may get a piece of you, but only you can determine how much it will take from you. During the experience I learnt that a mind set change can conquer depression any day, it’s all about what you tell yourself and what your focus is. I could have sat in my room days on end thinking poor me why did he have to cheat why me what didn’t I do and I don’t deserve this. (We all know where that route leads).

Instead I said to myself you did your very, best you could, you tried till it hurt and the best choice is to fix yourself instead of trying to fix what you never broke. This was my power statement that empowered me. I moved forward and I didn’t look back. Best move of my life I must say the journey has been nothing short of adventurous. I am not saying it has been smooth sailing all the way but I am happy with myself and it’s a great feeling that I am totally fine going with my instincts with few regrets.

This is a major transformation as I always went with everyone else I never knew what I wanted and I always second guessed my self. I never really had a back bone and well for now I can say it is developing. There is so much I need to decide but I’m happy taking my time and coming up with a truly Donna decision that I am able to live with. So six months later and I am on a self trusting journey I have become very hard I don’t like nonsense and I refuse to tolerate it. I am no longer freely giving of my heart I hold it very close to me and I am keeping it safe for now. I am no longer easily intimidated nor am I as fearful as before I am embracing life and taking leaps of courage in various aspects of my life. In short I am out of my comfort zone and embracing it.

Beauty in Vain..............

This title may seem weird but this is me at the end of my wits again, when I take a step back and wonder what the heck! What is the worth of beauty? Why do we value it so when it is worthless? People worship and treasure beauty as though it is a life achievement, when honestly it is not and well it’s all Gods work and am I really supposed to stand and take credit for being born beautiful! I was just lucky so what’s the fuss about? I have had no genuine success or achievement in my life due to beauty.

I guess I am not ugly that’s why I can speak like this, but really and truly who made being ugly a sin? I haven’t met anyone that asked to be born a certain way. So why do we take credit over something that we do not have any control over? And why do we judge people like they asked for their faces? I feel beauty is nice to have but it certainly is not the defining core of anyone, it shouldn’t be all there is to a person. I try and look for humanity and character in a person looks don’t always count (in my experience the hot ones are usually loony toones) I always say I am more than just a pretty face as people always assume that, that is all there is to me I often wonder why beauty is associated with stupidity, narrow mindedness and laziness.

Society has dubbed beautiful women idiots and not so pretty women intellects. Which I feel is so unfair, how can your looks determine your ability to be smart? I also understand that many have contributed to these assumptions as they portray ignorance with beauty. In all honesty beauty is no different from having an arm or a leg we are all born a certain way lets stop being superficial and making a fuss about nothing we are losing the importance of humanity life has become an appearance and is no longer being lived there is so much more than what meets the eye so lets not make our eyes king. Beauty is great but it’s not all there is to life so shelve it and embrace people and not fronts and apperances.

Not Afraid to Stand Out!

If striving for wholeness means diminishing your competition, then your competition wasn’t much to begin with (D.J.Trump) This statement struck me for a bit because many a times I have been told that I overdo things that I stand out too much and I’m often asked why I work so hard?  The thing is I have never felt any of these statements were true as, I have a vision of who I am and where I am going with my life. I don’t bother competing with anyone I have the mental picture of where I want to be and that is my motivation. What others are doing is irrelevant to me I have my standard and I will stick to it regardless of everyone else’s progress.

 My concern is reaching my dreams and that means achieving wholeness: whatever I do I don’t stagnate, I don’t become complacent, I don’t pretend that 50% is enough, whether I am giving or receiving. So I do things the best way I know how and that is with 100% of me, if I stand out so be it but I will not drop the bar just to fit in. Being true to yourself is so necessary if you want to be happy in life. You need to know yourself and be yourself, many times in my life the real me wouldn’t fit in and I would pretend to be someone else and It only made me miserable, It is very scary discovering who you really are I spent a lot of time people pleasing in my life and as such I never really was the real me and when I discovered who the real me was I wasn’t sure she would make in the real world (sigh and laughter as she seems to be just fine).

So don’t drop your bar to please others or to fit in if your dreams are big go with them block out society and their opinions (only in a positive way don’t isolate yourself from the world). But be yourself see the world from your eyes and don’t easily be swayed always hold your grounds. Another thing is always remember that opinions are just that opinions they should never define you or alarm you. Stand fast in your beliefs and know that no one can make you do what you really don’t want to do. This is your life don’t be afraid to live it.