So I have had the worst insomnia for close to five years now (it's now such a part of me and my lifestyle). In actual fact insomnia is how I began writing. So as I lay sleepless at times like these the silence and peace of mind allows me to share my thoughts and like them my fears.
I have extensively discussed loss here as it has been one of the realities I have been forced to deal with in my life. However the most disturbing sequence of events has had me burying my friends and peers. This by far has been the most anguishing experience. You never think the friend you once shared a desk with in class and have kinda lost touch with is the one friend you would be forced to say goodbye to before being given the opportunity to catch up.
Conversations remain incomplete and the dreams and plans you shared are the gut wrenching reminder of how unfair life can be. Again death has angered me so with its injustice with its unfair theft of the young. The future is being pulled out from under us, mothers and father's burying children they hoped would bury them, siblings sayig goodbye to friends they needed to get through the good and bad days. The broken hearted are increasing, sadness becomes the reality as loss continues its onslaught on the future.
I lost my baby sister a few years ago and this has been by far one of the most disturbing losses I have ever experienced, to the point where I got fungus from the inability to understand how a 13 year old beautiful girl full of life, with such a bright future ahead could have her life taken away. At 13 she had one of the most unfair exits to life and many times I wish she had been given the grace to live a little longer. I often wish I had the opportunity to tell her she was loved or the chance to change her life. The helplessness I felt when she passed was indescribable, nothing I could do would change her fate no money, power or ability could stop it. No warning or preparation came either just the sad end that was forced down my throat.
I will never understand why, I can never fully accept how this is a necessary experience. All I know is that life is tragically unfair and it is ever so important to let the ones you love and care for know that you care and love them deeply. Simply because we may get to the point where it's too late to say ....
