it's not all about me!

In life we all need a humility check now and again where we check ourselves. I realised that at times I make things all about me not all the time but there is a point you reach and you think wait there is too much Donna going on in here! I know this is not always intentional but sometimes we just take a small (I hope) self obsessive trip. I have been working on developing myself as a brand and at times I have seen myself being a tad bit selfish, this is sometimes confused as a part of self love.

There is unfortunately a thin line between self love and arrogance; my way of coming down to earth is human interaction. Lately I have taken time to just have conversations with people and I tell you that the revelations you get will quickly snap out of any arrogant state you may be in. As you begin to hear the struggles that many face, your issues begin to seem so trivial. I understand that we all have problems and I am not trying to take anything away from what you may be experiencing and it’s all well and good to vent now and again but always stop and take a look and see if your issue is really the end of your world or is there worse out there?

In most cases it really is not the end of the world  and at times it pays to be a friend, be there for someone else  and do not always dwell on your own situation. When you stop and listen you learn so much and in silence you gain knowledge. This simply reveals the fact that there is more to life than you and your situations there is so much you can give and offer and usually when you help someone else somehow you usually end up helping yourself. So when you next meet someone a friend or anyone, avoid the immediate desire to rant and rave smile and ask how they are doing and enjoy the simple fact that life is not all about you.

The Missing Link

In life we have certain issues or repressed memories that we conveniently forget or certain occurrences that impact our lives and we don’t realise the impact they have upon our lives until much later on in our lives. Fortunately for me I have figured out a few of the roots of my behaviour and I say some as it takes a lifetime to fully know ourselves and fix our problems!!

For many I have discovered that their behaviour patterns are determined mostly by their history any outrageous behaviour has a story behind it or an unearthed demon for some. I grew up around alcoholism, verbal and physical abuse as a result I became a bully and I was very fearful. These were the natural responses to what I saw as a child the bullying was probably an outburst an outlet that what I saw was unfair so why should life be fair for anyone else? The fear was built in, fear of victimisation or being in a similar position where abuse is verbally directed towards me.

Such occurrences we selectively repress as they are unpleasant memories but they always cause problems later on in life. That’s the missing link! One day when you have a break down or people have an intervention. This is what they are looking to discover. In life it is crucial to discover yourself what makes you tick, it is advised that your first relationship should be with yourself. Know and love yourself before attempting to be in any other relationship. Figuring out who you are and understanding yourself is helpful as you ground yourself and you are not easily swayed by anyone. Many complain that they lose themselves in relationships but you cannot lose what you don’t own or truly know.

Self discovery is very difficult and unfavourable as at times you discover what you don’t want to discover. Your are also forced to deal with things you wouldn’t want to but it is best to just deal with stuff and avoid all the other unnecessary complications life brings your way from not dealing with stuff. Skeletons are not meant to be in closets just take them out and bury them already..........

Happy women's day!

 This post was supposed to be published yesterday for international women's day but due to technical difficulties it comes to you today but hey it's still women's month. The significance of a woman letting go is vast, simply because women are nurturers, builders they rarely let go no matter how much their worth is compromised they stay and hold on. When a woman lets go she goes beyond herself she goes deeper than she knows she goes far beyond herself because for any woman the hardest thing is Letting go and walking away from all her hard work effort and the love she invested! So this women's day i salute all the women who have walked away and stood their ground and said i deserve better because you do!!Keep keeping on ladies excellence is what you are!!

Image supplied by ethos photography by Rudo Nyangulu

Without a thought or a word she let go. She let go of the fear she let go of judgement she let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head, she let go of all the “right” reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, She just let go. She just didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She just let go. She just let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right. She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her diary. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go. She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go. No one was around when it happened. She just let go...............

Avoiding Confrontation (the art of bottling up)

Confrontation is something I struggle with and I don’t struggle with at the same time, I do not like playing bad cop but at times I must, or I get so angry that I just must, to the point of blowing up. I mostly blow up because I bottle stuff in, I struggle with communicating with certain people or with conveying a certain message across to people. For instance, I expect a certain level of intelligence from people, I expect those close to me to know better than to annoy me and I expect a little common sense from the average person. I don’t think I’m asking too much, or am I?
Now I really hope I don’t come across as a simple mind for I am not one and the one thing I absolutely loathe is people insulting my intelligence!! I will rarely tell you that you have insulted my intelligence you simply get a strike in my mental book. Many people think because I keep quiet, I’m dull, or I was taken for a ride but, I now have the upper hand as you will continuously underestimate me. While this may be an excellent skill in out shinning others at work or working hard to get a promotion it is not so great in real life.

As I don’t speak my mind, I am at a disadvantage no one will really get to know how I feel. They may or may not fully know what they did to get cut off but after a few strikes with me your out! This has been the normal trend with me and I am starting to see the error of my ways. How do I fix it though how do I drop my communication barriers how do I just start spoon feeding people about their every wrong when I expect them to know better? I am so passionate about everything I do, and my mind cannot comprehend how you treat life so carelessly how you don’t put your soul in your every being. How you don’t care about much, how you don’t love wholeheartedly how you don’t hold yourself with any value or how you’re alive and not living??

Well before blaming anyone I need to self-assess and understand the root of my problem, normally I speak on time all the time but at times I just can’t speak up at times it’s because of how brutal the truth is and at times I feel you should just know better. I know part of the problem originated from my granny she always expected us to think for ourselves know your responsibilities and fulfill them and if you neglected them, she would leave you till it was too late and chew your ear off for the irresponsibility.  I assumed it to be normal to expect a certain level from people I guess the standard is too high! I always have millions of thoughts, but I don’t speak them I’m not too sure why. At times I want to shake you and tell you to think but I don’t at times I want you to use your head and I want to tell you-you're every fault but then I feel who am I to play God? Who am I to steer you accordingly when you are so set on self-destruction.
How do I draw the line between love and being overbearing? I know I have high standards for myself and others but who is to say they must meet my standards? In all essence am I protecting you for you or for me? I hate to see people hurting upset but I am not God I don’t know the plans he has for you and I really don’t want to interfere with the Almighty's plans! I could just be too chicken, too afraid of the consequences of the truth? Too afraid to upset people even though it may cost me my happiness or peace of mind? Writing this it comes apparent the new route my life must take and that is one of no longer being a doormat and no longer bottling up emotions, I must be true to myself and speak my truth at all instances, this is the only way I can truly live in peace with myself! I urge you if you battled like me, let’s take a stand in life it’s all mind over matter be true to you cause only God and you know your true worth so maintain your value and speak your mind!