As far back as I could remember I was not good enough. I wasn't good enough to have my parents remember my existence. I wasn't good enough to recieve maternal or paternal love. I was reminded of my aloneness in this world constantly. Noone seemed to understand me or noone cared to. At the time I felt isolated but I learnt to self console young. My imagination was my best friend. My self worth was in the pits but my confidence shone. It seemed I was a walking contradiction but still noone understood me I was still too much but I felt not enough. Something in me always expected more I never knew love and care but I certainly knew what it wasn't. My brokenness lead me to many wrong stops but my inner self worth always made me uncomfortable. I tried settling, I tried following the rules and ticking boxes but it felt like everytime I did a piece of me died.
It took me good decade to accept myself to know that even if noone showed up for me I was worth showing up for myself. I blocked my ears many times the nay sayers are always there telling you your worth according to their own brokenness, but my innervoice carried me through. I felt tired many times but I got up. I felt worthless many times but always knew I had value. I faced many setbacks, lots of egg spilled on my face over years there were times I ran on fumes and hope and times I survived on faith and sheer will power. I sometimes don't know how I made it this far and for these times I claim grace.
Today I see myself where I dreamed to be once. Its not as pretty as I had hoped but it's still a mountain top. Not the first and certainly not the last buts it's a mountain top non the less and I wanna sit here and take in the view. I earned this a decade ago I set out to be an expert in Finance and a decade later I'm at the door. I sacrificed my freedom when l went from being an entrepreneur to being a professional many didn't see my logic but I had a vision and its being realised. I showed myself that there is nothing that I cannot do if I set my mind to it. I have had many setbacks that made me feel like an imposter but I learnt to sit through the discomfort and not show my fears and now I know I'm not an imposter I'm a brilliant, young, fearless leader who is actively being the change I want to see in the world. I living my life from love I'm not perfect but I'm learning and growing everyday and my skin feels like it fits. I feel like I am me big bold and loud❤️ and most importantly proud. I am proud of myself and I love myself and I know I'm not for everyone and I cherish my uniqueness. Be bold and be authentic my 💎.
