Confrontation is something I struggle with and I don’t struggle with at the same time, I do not like playing bad cop but at times I must, or I get so angry that I just must, to the point of blowing up. I mostly blow up because I bottle stuff in, I struggle with communicating with certain people or with conveying a certain message across to people. For instance, I expect a certain level of intelligence from people, I expect those close to me to know better than to annoy me and I expect a little common sense from the average person. I don’t think I’m asking too much, or am I?
Now I really hope I don’t come across as a simple mind for I am not one and the one thing I absolutely loathe is people insulting my intelligence!! I will rarely tell you that you have insulted my intelligence you simply get a strike in my mental book. Many people think because I keep quiet, I’m dull, or I was taken for a ride but, I now have the upper hand as you will continuously underestimate me. While this may be an excellent skill in out shinning others at work or working hard to get a promotion it is not so great in real life.
As I don’t speak my mind, I am at a disadvantage no one will really get to know how I feel. They may or may not fully know what they did to get cut off but after a few strikes with me your out! This has been the normal trend with me and I am starting to see the error of my ways. How do I fix it though how do I drop my communication barriers how do I just start spoon feeding people about their every wrong when I expect them to know better? I am so passionate about everything I do, and my mind cannot comprehend how you treat life so carelessly how you don’t put your soul in your every being. How you don’t care about much, how you don’t love wholeheartedly how you don’t hold yourself with any value or how you’re alive and not living??
Well before blaming anyone I need to self-assess and understand the root of my problem, normally I speak on time all the time but at times I just can’t speak up at times it’s because of how brutal the truth is and at times I feel you should just know better. I know part of the problem originated from my granny she always expected us to think for ourselves know your responsibilities and fulfill them and if you neglected them, she would leave you till it was too late and chew your ear off for the irresponsibility. I assumed it to be normal to expect a certain level from people I guess the standard is too high! I always have millions of thoughts, but I don’t speak them I’m not too sure why. At times I want to shake you and tell you to think but I don’t at times I want you to use your head and I want to tell you-you're every fault but then I feel who am I to play God? Who am I to steer you accordingly when you are so set on self-destruction.
How do I draw the line between love and being overbearing? I know I have high standards for myself and others but who is to say they must meet my standards? In all essence am I protecting you for you or for me? I hate to see people hurting upset but I am not God I don’t know the plans he has for you and I really don’t want to interfere with the Almighty's plans! I could just be too chicken, too afraid of the consequences of the truth? Too afraid to upset people even though it may cost me my happiness or peace of mind? Writing this it comes apparent the new route my life must take and that is one of no longer being a doormat and no longer bottling up emotions, I must be true to myself and speak my truth at all instances, this is the only way I can truly live in peace with myself! I urge you if you battled like me, let’s take a stand in life it’s all mind over matter be true to you cause only God and you know your true worth so maintain your value and speak your mind!
Now I really hope I don’t come across as a simple mind for I am not one and the one thing I absolutely loathe is people insulting my intelligence!! I will rarely tell you that you have insulted my intelligence you simply get a strike in my mental book. Many people think because I keep quiet, I’m dull, or I was taken for a ride but, I now have the upper hand as you will continuously underestimate me. While this may be an excellent skill in out shinning others at work or working hard to get a promotion it is not so great in real life.
As I don’t speak my mind, I am at a disadvantage no one will really get to know how I feel. They may or may not fully know what they did to get cut off but after a few strikes with me your out! This has been the normal trend with me and I am starting to see the error of my ways. How do I fix it though how do I drop my communication barriers how do I just start spoon feeding people about their every wrong when I expect them to know better? I am so passionate about everything I do, and my mind cannot comprehend how you treat life so carelessly how you don’t put your soul in your every being. How you don’t care about much, how you don’t love wholeheartedly how you don’t hold yourself with any value or how you’re alive and not living??
Well before blaming anyone I need to self-assess and understand the root of my problem, normally I speak on time all the time but at times I just can’t speak up at times it’s because of how brutal the truth is and at times I feel you should just know better. I know part of the problem originated from my granny she always expected us to think for ourselves know your responsibilities and fulfill them and if you neglected them, she would leave you till it was too late and chew your ear off for the irresponsibility. I assumed it to be normal to expect a certain level from people I guess the standard is too high! I always have millions of thoughts, but I don’t speak them I’m not too sure why. At times I want to shake you and tell you to think but I don’t at times I want you to use your head and I want to tell you-you're every fault but then I feel who am I to play God? Who am I to steer you accordingly when you are so set on self-destruction.
How do I draw the line between love and being overbearing? I know I have high standards for myself and others but who is to say they must meet my standards? In all essence am I protecting you for you or for me? I hate to see people hurting upset but I am not God I don’t know the plans he has for you and I really don’t want to interfere with the Almighty's plans! I could just be too chicken, too afraid of the consequences of the truth? Too afraid to upset people even though it may cost me my happiness or peace of mind? Writing this it comes apparent the new route my life must take and that is one of no longer being a doormat and no longer bottling up emotions, I must be true to myself and speak my truth at all instances, this is the only way I can truly live in peace with myself! I urge you if you battled like me, let’s take a stand in life it’s all mind over matter be true to you cause only God and you know your true worth so maintain your value and speak your mind!
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