Full Circle

Eighteen years ago I started my labor! I didn't know I was in labor as I was sixteen and new to all this and my water didn't break. I thought it was just another hard pregnancy day with braxton hicks. I told myself we only panic and look for doctors when the water breaks not realising I had no idea water waters breaking entailed other than what i saw on tv.I didn't know what to expect or if there were instances when this didn't happen naturally. I had the ignorance of youth on my side. In addition to this I was isolated by family and friends and the naughty one who liked things due to my young pregnancy.

I didn't feel up for much that day because the pain was intense but I was strong, I went through the first few hours of labor on my own thinking it was like a bad period and I could handle it and I did. I even repacked my hospital bag more realistically to cater for myself and not just the baby. I tossed and turned and walked up and down, I was uncomfortable and in pain but it wasn't major I wasn't dying I said to myself. I tried to have lunch but I couldn't, I had a feeling I was in labor but I wasn't sure. All I knew is I did not want to defecate in the delivery room so eating wasn't an ideal option. I don't really recall much of that day except knowing without a doubt I was in pain and I was uncomfortable and I was not hungry. I was too busy being strong to tell anyone about my experience at the time and I was afraid. I was afraid of the reality I was in and I was afraid to die but I knew I had to be strong.

I got through the day ok and as evening drew near I knew something was up but I had told myself we only go to the hospital with something tangible wet panties or something lol! From about six in the evening I was on thirty minute bathroom breaks to see if my water broke cause in my head it was a sixty millilitre liquid expectation I guess 🙃. I remember at about eight pm when everyone went to bed but I couldn't cause I was uncomfortable I sat through a few movies and I remember non but I remember I had this horrid backpain it was like someone had lit a fire on my spine I couldn't sit or lye down in any position comfortably and  I was consumed with pain but I was waiting on my water to break!

Just before ten pm I had started spotting on my bathroom visit and I was pleased for at last I had something tangible a real reason to go to the hospital. So I wake everyone up gently and say its time for me to go to the hospital after everyones initial panic we were off. I remember every pot hole in the road because it seemed to trigger an earthquake of pain, I wasn't aware that I was in labor and I wasn't aware I should have been timing my contractions because I wasn't sure, it was the 22nd of March 2005 and my due date was the 14th of April 2005.

We finally arrived at the hospital and they tried to offer me a wheelchair but I wasn't having it lol I was the picture of perfect strength! After paperwork and check in I was in the labor ward for a physical exam and that is when I was advised that I had dilated seven cms and I was three cms away from delivery 😳 I was shook I had done it I had endured the worst part of my labor on my own. I was then offered my first ever dose of pethidine which really calmed the pain down alot. I was in the labor room with a clock infront of me and I was counting minutes and hours from ten pm to about two am nothing really happened but waiting and watching the clock. My waters still hadn't broken and my baby was getting restless.the nurses decide to break my waters for me and boy was it more than the sixty millilitres I expected🙆‍♀️!

Finally my labor was back to progressing I went to 8 and 9 cms very fast and the nurses left me to go get my gynaecologist but while they were out I felt the baby pushing on me but there was noone to help so I silently closed my legs for at least two contractions and then finally the nurses and my gynaecologist came in and realised what had happened so they tried to get me to push on the third contraction but my baby was tired from fighting to come out and his heart was getting slow so my gynaecologist got a vacuum and sucked him out of me. This was not at all traumatic for my sixteen year old self no not at all😬

So a red baby comes out of me *it's too crazy to explain in detail* and all I do instantly is count toes and fingers while waiting to hear him cry as soon as that happened I felt relief and in that relief and in that moment all pain disappears and the last twenty four hours are a distant memory. It's all worth it for a healthy baby and in this moment women forget the pain and having another baby is a viable option 🤦‍♀️.  I was very lucky that morning at ten past three in the morning to deliver a healthy baby because in the labor room next to mine a lady passed on in labor and her baby was premature it was a very sobering scenario and again not at all traumatic for me😬. 

I looked at my baby after all this at about 4am and he just looked like an Anthony I hadn't thought on the name much and I was actually gonna name my son Ethan but then looking at him Anthony just came to me and so Anthony was born on the 23rd of March in 2005. The day I started mothering as a vocation. The day my life ceased to be about just me and the adventure of motherhood began for me. Eighteen years later and its still the greatest adventure of my life and a part of me I would never change even if I was offered a do over I wouldn't change a thing.