A tribute to my dear friend O'neal R.I.P

 This year i lost a dear friend and a witting partner

this was one of the last things he wrote before he was murdered

 was the poem below rest in peace O'neal i miss you:

Sometimes God Loves a Lullaby

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life,
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done,
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out, singing out.

We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The release of power

She is backed in a corner, like vultures they lean in

Her only task is to pick one and then they all fall back

Can she, will she, must she really

Sweat cascades down her face, she is in a panic

She was doing just fine constantly on the run

Why now, why must she make a choice

She knows it’s time to stop the running

Time to stop the meaningless chase

The dice are in hand but, will she throw them?

She knows the meaning of the thrust

It symbolizes her letting go of the power,

 Which she so dearly loves and cherishes

She crunches, her belly aches,  this is a painful experience

It has been an easy and merry journey thus far,

Her only concern was herself, why must it change

She knows she needs a companion but she is afraid

Afraid of the choice she may make, will it be right?

History has shown she has never really been the best judge of charterer

Why can’t she just meander past this point, stress sets in

She paces back and forth, why is this so difficult

The power was her comforter, her shield from reality

Must this really be the end of her reign of terror

She is very unsettled, the acidity in her body rises

Then she recalls the joy of being in love

Oh how she longs to be in Love, really and truly

She knows she has been living a lie            

Preaching that she is rock hard when all she longs for is to be loved

The games and the power, were all but a distraction

 She feels a wave of surety, this is what she wants

Confident all of a sudden, she is ready to take a leap of faith

She drops it all the power, the hurt, the anger she leaves it all behind

Love here she comes

Every tear drop

Today is my mother's 3 year death anniversary and well i am at that stage where i go into num lock *theoretically*.  It's technically meant to be a very emotional day with various protocol involving  a cemetery visit and all, but in reality it isn't, it's just another day and you literally forget the significance of the day until you see the date or get a reminder.

When i realized the date i felt a bit bad but honestly i didn't shed a tear my heart bleeds as something is evidently missing, but more than anything else i am angry at the fact that life is so unfair. I have been to one too many funerals this year and they give me  a headache i just can't deal with this reality why are we put on this earth to witness so many injustices? It is so heartbreaking for me that we are here on this earth waiting for either ourselves or the one's around us to be ripped from this earth.

When i cry my tears are solely for the injustice in this world and the frustrations of the reality of life, I know it profits nothing to be so negative but it is a reality we have to deal with. I am not depressed just in a different zone and writing from a different space. Every tear drop represents one thing or the other it's helpful to understand it's meaning.

A little Insight

I am a lover of power and control an admirer of people and a friend to many I have an unfulfilled desire for success and a desire for acceptance which I know I may never receive but that doesn't kill the desire. I grew up very average with a beautiful mind, no one ever really understood me as a child but that never mattered I just knew greatness lay ahead and beginnings are not as important as the endings. I have always had an unquenchable thirst for independence and I strongly feel that no one is like me and I know very few will truly appreciate all I have to offer as people always see what lies on the surface; they always look at the cover browse the chapters but never get the whole story.

The society we live in can be very superficial at times and it is very easy to jump on the wagon of being all about the front. I am learning to be content with where I am in life and endure my slow and steady journey even though everyone around me seems to be flying to their destinations. I have a more profound appreciation for the direction my life is taking and I know my destination is in sight but patience is key to truly enjoy the efforts and hard work invested. The temptation is always present to jump a few steps but I know the jump will never truly be worth it. I have learnt that the road is hard and narrow to the top but it is attainable however the fall is even easier if one is not truly worth it or prepared for the rise. At present my journey requires me to keep my feet on the ground and not lose my head (wish me luck!)

Well I don’t always have wise words to say but whatever your doing do it well and do it whole heartily that’s how I roll and I haven’t been disappointed yet. 

Pride...........

By definition it is a high or inordinate opinion of one’s own dignity, importance, merit or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing or conduct. For me it’s a state of being, I never really saw myself as a proud person but I have come to realize that I have a very high regard for myself,  but it’s a seesaw, there is an up and a downside to it, it can be very helpful and well it can be a stumbling block . Pride has been highlighted in a negative stance for a very long time when it is a pro and con in itself and simply not all bad.

Pride is good to a certain extent and past that extent it is destructive, Healthy pride goes hand in hand with your values. If you have pride in yourself as a person you have self-respect and that will always keep you on the right track in life. Pride helps you acknowledge your value as a person and will prevent you from accepting anything that you deem unacceptable, it will enable you to stand up for yourself if you believe in you. In these cases I would say pride is necessary.

On the other hand pride can be a hindrance if it prevents you from getting all you can out of life. Proud people will never reveal their true feelings or reveal their true self as they feel it is a sign of weakness, they will fight till the bitter end knowing they are wrong but their pride will never let them admit it. Such individuals lose the diamonds of life whilst busy harnessing the rocks of pride, it blinds them totally. Alternatively pride can prevent people from getting assistance that they really need and you they up struggling through life as a result.

Pride is no asset if it prevents you from living the best life possible, nor is it of any value if it has you constantly kicking yourself with regret. Pride exists in everyone the degree in which it dominates is what may differ so be smart and only use it for your own benefit and never let it become your stumbling block in life. Take control over life and don’t let pride or any other emotion short change your life, always be progressive.

Bonne Anniversaire

I love French and I took up learning French two summers ago, thus my blog title meaning Happy Birthday. Another year has dawned upon us and I must say I am very excited by the arrival of 2013. As always a week into the year I celebrate my birthday which is exciting as my year pretty much starts all at once, I get to begin at the beginning. I also get to party hard and then attempt to be serious for the rest of the year, *fingers crossed*.

I have dubbed this year “the year of definition”, as I plan to make defining decisions and choices, I will be ending a lot of unfinished chapters in my life and starting new ones, I plan to deal with emotions I have packed away too at some point. I also plan on learning the art of being decisive I more or less know what I want but I stagnate a lot without really making a decision I also stand on the fence a lot and I feel it’s time a pick a side and go with it fully. This is the main aim and task for the year I need all the help I can get.

 I started living all on my own this year, well with the little ones of course. The prospects that lay ahead feel very exciting. It is as though I have been given a fresh sheet of paper to begin writing a new story on, there is a joy and an unwavering excitement in the atmosphere, I just feel so exhilarated and positively charged at present. I not making a list of resolutions this year but I have set my goals for the year and the near future and they will be guidelines for the year, so yet again no lists to follow but there will be a definite structure to it all.

So 2013 is upon us all I wish you all the best this year and so you know I’m crazy and very human I leave you jaw dropping images from my birthday celebrations.

i danced and i danced

i had great company my girl Sue

I hate sharing but Millie is my best friend so i gladly shared  our birthday week

The party continued for more than one day...........

there was more dancing............

At the actual party we were happy it was our bday........

home boy Gore making sure i was good

Party shots eish................

Birthday Divas had a bonanza

Had my babies to make the day extra special..........

The other woman in my life Lynda my Bff

2012

This has been a year full of new experiences and utter bravery on my part, I have covered so much new ground it is somewhat unbelievable. I began my year with just one resolution to break new ground and be open to new things, this was the best resolution as the entire year I had one statement at the back of my mind which was “if it’s new try it”. I traveled and I got involved in so many new projects it was very liberating and refreshing.

This year began at home, a very different start, I slept through the entry. I hated this as I assumed that nothing but a boring year lay ahead, and boy was I wrong! A week later was my real new year which was my birthday, I had a bonanza with my best friend (Lynda) we discovered whiskey (which played a huge role in my 2012). This year I was fearless and I stuck to my guns I made decisions to change the things that I didn’t like in my life and I stuck to those decisions making for a much better and happier life. I also learnt being happy came with extra weight literally, im working on losing those extra kilos. I may have burnt bridges in finding myself and being happy but I’m sure they were bridges I would not miss much. I learnt that following your heart is the best move you can make. I am so fine with walking away and not looking back if it’s my loss oh well we can’t live a life of crying over spilt milk now can we?

 I left my husband this year,  it was very difficult walking away and I did it hoping he would realize his mistakes and make amends but he didn't. I learnt that I can only control my reactions and not anyone else’s. It was a hard pill to swallow, coming to the realization that someone I gave my all to didn't so much as try to make things work, well it only reassured me that I made the right decision in leaving as a marriage is teamwork. Relationships thereafter have been the most difficult thing for me to develop as I was accustomed to dealing with one person and dealing with different characters has been a challenge, I was set in my very selfish ways and totally clueless to the dating world after being out of the game for seven years, the game had clearly changed.

I went through the learning curves and came out totally clueless still, I enveloped myself in work  this year but who is complaining? It has been a year of groundwork laying out a foundation for a secure future and figuring out what I really want to do. The hardest part has been not seeing results immediately and the wait there is nothing more frustrating than seeing the future, working towards it and not being able to enjoy it just as yet, I have learnt that all good things come to those that wait. Honestly I hate waiting but I have no other option but to wait. 2013 Is set to be a year far more amazing than 2012, I have been like a baby that learnt to crawl all year and this month I got my walking ring so early next year imma be walking, I so look forward to walking in 2013.

My year has been nothing short of amazing I lived this year I wasn't just alive, I was not afraid to put myself out there and I was comfortable just being me, I was not repentant about who I was and I embraced myself, as such I have very few regrets. I am pleased with 2012 and I am utterly excited for 2013, I wish you all a prosperous New Year and lots of peace and blessings and remember love yourself and God and your good. Happy New Year Diamonds!!

IF (too good not to share)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

Rudyard Kipling

The Ugly Truth 2

Last time I touched on this topic I didn't go too deep I just advised you all to be street smart, but let’s get to the street smart schoolin now. Right if you’re over 18 and under 30 then love is a game believe it or not it is. If it truly ain't then it’s a power struggle which in essence is a game too. The game called love is mastered by fear, every action is taken to ensure that one does not get hurt and yet that very action is what hurts.

By the time you hit your twenties everyone has basically been hurt and how they treat their relationships thereafter is as a defense mechanism to safeguard their hearts. In the hurt category we have the angry ones these are driven by rage towards the opposite sex, deep within they are angry and every action of theirs is ultimately to gain revenge on the opposite sex whether consciously or sub-consciously their actions are anger driven. This group knows how to get you but they will no doubt obliterate your heart not because you deserve it but because it’s their only known reaction.

The next category are the heartless ones all the pain numbs them to any feeling all together, they build high walls around their hearts and refuse to let anyone in, some end up players as they cannot commit to anyone they lead their lives running from love out of fear of being hurt again, this group is the most frustrating group you will ever come across as they are constantly hot and cold they with you and then the minute they have feelings they back out and run and the cycle continues repeatedly.

We move onto the needy and clingy ones these usually have underlying paternal or maternal issues or both, these neglected ones are the most dramatic of all. If they could they would latch themselves to their partners for eternity in order to be happy. They are needy possessive and very insecure they are a difficult to deal with as the neediness can be frustrating and their insecurities will be a huge challenge. Lastly are the secure and confident people who have dealt realistically dealt with what has come their way and are sure of what and who they are and what they have to offer in a relationship, they normally don’t settle and they know what they want. These are the scariest people to date and the most desirable of the four.

These are the four general characters out there everyone can safely relate to at least one of these but ultimately in Love you need to be comfortable in your own skin and know what your worth , Be sure of what you bring to the table and don’t try to hard love is natural,  when it’s hard work normally something is amiss.

The Silk shirt (tribute to the battered woman)

That gut wrenching feeling you have just before the storm, the feeling that lets you know that your world is about to be thrown off. Your stomach churns and your mouth is bitter occasionally you have dizzy spells and you are not at ease. Your heart is racing with no destination you break off in a sweat every now and again, you zone out and you come back only to realize you haven’t yet been dealt your blow quite as yet. This goes on all day and time is mercilessly dragging along your nail bed has been depleted to nothing with all the nervous biting, you have walked the house down with chattering teeth.

You have thought of every possible excuse and every apology and you know it won’t work, you know the wrath all too well and the rage that has no comprehension or mercy upon you. You picture all the painful possibilities and with chills down your spine, you set off on your hundredth inspection of the house and yard everything must be perfect so your fault doesn't seem major. The wait is agony the desire to run away plays before you then you consider where to run too, to the parent’s farm out of the city bathing in buckets and chopping firewood? That can’t be life, leaving the comfort of five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a swimming pool, splendor and beauty that you only laid eyes on in magazines as a child up until now, surely what’s to come is worth the lifestyle she led Anotida thought.

The gate opening disrupted her thoughts and within seconds he burst in the door with his radiant smile but she froze and couldn't move. He plucked a kiss on her cheek and inquired on her day, no response came so

he went on to ask her to get his favorite lucky silk shirt he had an important meeting in two hours. In horror her frozen state melted away and sweat was cascading down, not the shirt she thought, why was she so unlucky life wasn't fair to her in this moment, Anotida felt.

She dragged her feet up the stairs and got out the shirt she was desperately trying to make the burn not show in his shirt but he walked in as she attempted to cover up her error and saw what had happened. The radiance in his face dried up and he transformed into the grey devil she knew all too well, He came down on her like a tonne of bricks with streams of abuse and slaps across the face that sounded like gun shots that pierced her soft skin leaving cuts. She tried to curl herself up to protect herself but he wasn't having that he lifted her and swung her across the hall, “smash” in to the hallway mirror and she fell to the ground with a thousand pieces of glass following her, her eyes were swollen shut now and the smell of her own blood made her throw up, in disgust he kicked her down the stairs.

Anotida fell to her death at just twenty six years of age at the hands of an abusive spouse simply because she burnt a shirt by mistake.

The making of a diamond 1st Anni

I started my blog a year ago on the 2^nd of November 2012, celebrated the first anniversary of my blog; I made a big fuss about this mini milestone because of its significance. A year ago I made a decision and set out new outlines to my life and I managed to stick to my guns which I felt was certainly worth a celebration. I was recently asked why I chose the name the making of a diamond and well I think that is a topic I can go into detail about.

The making of a diamonds first anni dinner

I went through a period in my life where I totally forgot my worth I was nearly a door mat and had totally lost my self-values and I had basically lost myself. It took the encouragement and reassurance of those close to me, constantly reminding me that im precious and priceless, eventually they got through to me and well in order to reinvent myself I needed motivation to do so, but I was adamant I had to do it all on my own. My solution was to write and I decided to blog, naming my blog required me to have a few conversations with my favorite people that I spent most of my time with to get their view of me.

I was pleasantly surprised that they all felt I was worth more than gold and, well a diamond came along in conversation and we considered the process a diamond goes through to become pure and perfect and seeing as my trials were far from over I came up with, “the making of a diamond” because my life story is far from rosy, it’s intense and a bit of a roller coaster ride. Thereafter the making of a diamond was born, my emotional outlet and a story of inspiration to feed the masses. It is not me just complaining about everything I went through in my life it’s me going through each experience and looking at the experience and lessons gained from every experience to better myself as an individual. My blog is where I share my story, as on the outside I may seem together but it’s essential for people to know that life isn't what we see it’s what we experience and I have chosen to share my experience.

The Scars of a broken heart (1)

The heart is something so amazing not only does it keep us alive it also takes us through the greatest risk ever which is love. The greatest risk I say simply because once you have been hurt you are altered for life, the heart can withstand many stabs of pain in any relationship and endure pain but once it has been broken the scar shows forever.

I look back and see my break up in slow motion, first we stopped talking for over a year it used to kill me then I taught myself to deal with it I learnt that silence was golden, it did trample me not being able to share my days experiences, the kids growth and development and anything in general but I had to try and be strong I had to prove stronger than the mind game at play. From silence it went to being undermined, being left out of major decisions and changes at first I would blow up and make a big fuss or fight until I saw I was just playing into his hands, I wised up a bit and I learnt not to react it killed me inside but I had to. At this point I realized something was amiss love was not meant to be such a struggle upon this realization my decline began.

It all became crystal clear and it stung like a thousand bee stings, the fact that you no longer hold the key to a heart you once owned.  When the love of your life is no longer able to look you in your eyes or stand your very presence, when you are made to feel uncomfortable in the very home you built. This destroyed me on all levels I started losing weight I was very distracted and generally unhappy, I made grave attempts at winning back his love but my spirit was not resting. I became an insomniac I couldn't sleep I was just not at ease, I had to do something I had to leave the situation was killing me but I didn't want to surrender and give up on something I spent so long working at, the injustice the world was serving me was of an unbearable magnitude it was surreal as though I was living a nightmare.

It was difficult I was in a delirium I felt this couldn't be happening I did everything right I was hard working, every day I would look for a ray of hope to make me stay I kept feeling for a pulse in the marriage and there was a constant flat line. I forced myself to face reality and I began my preparations to leave it took a long three months but I had to be sure I had to leave with no doubt this was the only solution. Every day of those three months a part of me would die, I was being drained having to push forward with everything I had and then be shattered every evening. This was a fight that tested the strength of my heart and will power, the toll will forever leave marks, marks I see clearly but I am unable to make disappear. 

Motherly Pains

My son broke his hand the other day and I just discovered the most horrid part of being a mother, it’s when you see your child in pain and there is nothing you can do to ease it. I have never felt so hopeless before, I know the flu is a pain and we worry but having your child shriek your name in utter pain is heart shattering. You don’t know whether to grab your child and cradle him or let the doctors help him, nothing prepares you for this experience but eventually you calm down (after some Valium)

Anthony broke his hand flying off swings at school

I was sat beside my son in his first hospital bed since birth awaiting his first surgery ever and I was a bit proud, mostly because he said he wanted me by his side through it all and well I guess because we were going through life’s growing pains together. In  painful and intense moments like that there is love present and a memory about to be made for both of us to look back on later on in life. Motherly pains are not so painful when you sit and reflect there are a few difficult moments but when they pass and you take a moment to reflect they are crucial that’s how a mothers love for her child grows through each experience be it good or bad.

he broke both bones just below his wrist and  and displaced one bone

Motherly pains are not pleasant but we don’t have a pass for them and as such we go through them in order to master the art to being strong and well knowing when to wear a clown’s face. Children always look to their parents for strength and well we got to give them the strength they need when they need it. Parenting is a job that requires us to have super powers when necessary it all sounds crazy but it’s true our children have unfaltering faith in us. It is our job to give them the strength and faith that they need whenever they need it, even if we don’t have strength or faith. Motherly pains give birth to love and new bonds and memories so don’t fear them they are necessary.

putting on brave faces before surgery where they inserted two pins in his hand

Budding Love................

You’re so happy inside and out and you can’t wipe the grin of your face

In this moment it dawns on you that this life is actually amazing

If only time could stand still or better still could I constantly relive this moment continuously

Then again this feeling is so amazing that you might just want to live to experience what comes next

The joy you feel is indescribable you just want to run around and hug everyone

All the impulses you experienced as a child return, you’re just overwhelmed with energy

Happiness is overflowing from your cup and your skin seems to share your joy by glowing

These are the moments longed for by many and dreamt of by a hopeful soul

The rain brings tears of joy and the sunshine brings forth bliss of a new day

No season or situation alters the joy you feel when love is budding

Waves of emotions sweep through you taking you to new heights

Your bubble is so inflated and your senses are numb, a high like non other

Restlessness is your new norm ever awaiting your next encounter with your love

Butterflies are permanent residents in your belly and breathlessness like never before

A joy so innate it fills the soul and happiness so surreal to mankind

Your world has been reborn and you are flying at new heights
It’s so real you can sense the scent, you can taste the sweetness, you can touch its aura
It’s so amazing you can’t wait for the next sunrise and you wilt when it sets
It’s so real it feels like the sun is rising in the west
Your thoughts stolen, your smile undying
The courage to ride so brisk, the strength in you so illusory
Delirium, ecstasy, frenzy, bliss, your new muse

To Love or not to Love?

I love controversial topics and here is a good one, so I have put love up as a choice which is something that many will beg to differ with. However I am starting to think along the lines that love actually begins as a personal decision and I have noticed this with myself. I may not be a good example as I am dubbed heartless but anyways you can decide weather my experience is relevant or not.

I feel we make a mental decision first before we even decide to get into anything, we decide whether or not we want to love a person or not. We decide or know how far we are willing to go well in advance; we have that, is it worth it or not moment? As such I think we decide to love in as much as we decide to let a person hurt us, sometimes this all happens subconsciously and you’re not necessarily with the programme but we let it happen. In life we can do very little to determine a person’s reaction to any situation but the one thing we do have control over is our response and reaction.

Many times we let our emotions run amuck with our lives when we really don’t have to or shouldn't  Taking a minute to calm the heck down and re-evaluate things is essential, I used just go off on tangents a lot and it only damaged me. The minute I accepted the power to control my actions and reactions I did myself a world of good. Love is something we need to have a level headed approach to; I know the instinct is to just jump in, without a second thought but it works out better when we add some thought and composure to it.

 Always acknowledge that you made a decision to love and that, that decision you made, you made alone unaware of the loved ones decision. As such don’t rush in to expecting undying love in return. You chose to love and do that because it’s natural to you never expect the same in return we are all different. Love is a risk we go into it with no guarantees and if it doesn't work out such is life but if you are aware of all these factors and your expectations are minimal then your heartache will be minimal too. So be smart people fairy tales are for kids to grow up with hope but certainly not to elude adults.

The Testosterone Effect

I have been told many times I have male like mannerisms and my thinking is very different to that of most ladies especially when it comes to relationships. I do know that I was a tomboy when I was younger and I can agree that my thinking is very different, but what I am unsure of is whether or not this is a good or bad thing.

Most women dream of the finding the perfect man having the perfect wedding and living in the perfect house that, that man bought. In my world I am the perfect woman who has everything besides the perfect man (who I am unsure even exits). I prefer having my own cards to bring to the table and having enough power to commandeer respect from everyone. I like power and independence there is nothing better than calling the shots and having your opinions taken.

I am not the wife that sits and nods I’m the woman with an opinion to offer, however I do know how to respect a man and submit to him though he has to be very worthy of it. I don’t need to be taken care of however I am not looking to mother anyone either. I know who I am and where I intend to go in this life and I don’t have the time of day to deal with people that don’t (unless I do care for them). I don’t need a cheerleader but I need to know you love this woman and appreciate where she is on her life’s journey. I like affirmation, then again who truly doesn't  I strive for excellence and I like being the boss, I just can’t help that, this is who I am.

I enjoy having options I never want to be caught unaware; I need to know when, why and how as often as possible, I don’t just go with the flow I prefer being the flow. I am impatient I don’t like waiting if you don’t know what you’re doing I am going to do it myself, I hate relying on people I trust myself best I know how to always ensure the job is done. As long as I’m in the driver’s seat or I can influence the driver then I am in a very happy place, I’m not sure if there are other ladies that can relate but this is me and many say I got too much testosterone in me! Understandably but I just take control and responsibility of my life and if you’re looking for room in my life you need to make your presence known and felt.

Matthew Rusike Children's Home Gardening Day

As you may know I love helping out and as such I do a bit of charity work when I can, I co-ordinate outreach programmes, events and awareness raising campaigns for a foundation called the Art of Being Humane. I have been assisting here for a year now and one of our projects that I am very fond of is The Matthew Rusike Children’s Home. I have a weakness for children maybe because of my kids but I just feel that I should do all I can to help tomorrow’s future much brighter than ours and it begins with the children. I will be updating you all on the various projects we are currently running and keeping you in the loop in case you may want to help out too.

This is a new project that has begun due to an urgent need we have noticed. The main reason the Art of Being Humane Foundation picked Matthew Rusike as one of its organisations to assist of choice was because it had a very good sustainable development plan in place. When we met the Matthew Rusike Children’s Home director a year ago they had thriving chicken projects and gardening projects underway our job was solely to launch other projects. Whilst at one of our play days with the children we noticed a rather diminished, dry and bare garden.

This was very disheartening and as such we made it a priority to begin a gardening day, This day is set out for The Art of Being Humane volunteers to come out in their numbers to help in any way to revamp the Matthew Rusike garden as it is their lively hood.  Our first gardening day was on the 18^th of August 2012 and the turnout was very amazing fortunately we had a number of the members of a church to assist us. The garden’s state was a mess we had high hopes of planting seedlings and watering the existing crops but our plans had to change as the current vegetables were near death due to weeds. Our first gardening day became the deweeding day  we spent our morning deweeding in order to save the existing crops.

Below are images from our first gardening day on the 18th  of August 2012

Our next gardening day will be this weekend, Saturday the 22^nd of September 2012, I hope that we will all attend it in our numbers and help save the Matthew Rusike Children’s home garden. We may still have deweeding to do in addition to preparing beds and planting summer seeds before the rains if you have any experience at in gardening or have free time and wouldn’t mind learning how to get green fingers come along to Matthew Rusike Children’s home in Epworth from 9.30 am.

Emotional retard

Most people have deduced from my previous blogs that I hate men when honestly this is not the case however it has come to my attention that I have a general problem in the affection department. I don’t really seem to love a whole lot of people in my life or I am very selective about who I share my time, love, loyalty and affection with. I think it’s safe to conclude that I am an emotional retard this is because many times I fail to extend the love and affection that many around me may need and require.

This has been an interesting discovery  because to the few I do share my heart with, they can safely say I am a very loving person which is why it was hard for me to accept that I am selective about who I love. The real issue was tracing where and when this all began and I don’t do this because I need an excuse or I need someone or something to blame but rather  because when uprooting problems in one’s life it’s always best to uproot from the roots so the problem is sufficiently dealt with and this ensures that this doesn't reoccur.

I think the main missing element in my life has been the absence of my parents; I grew up generally without the normal family unit/body. As far as I can remember the two main people I always cared for were my grandmother and my sister mostly because we went through so much together. Our bond, love, trust and relationships were formed and strengthened over time and I can relate to this sort of process in all my relationships. The ones I hold dear are the ones I have gone through life with, they are my family and I fail to recognize my blood relatives that I have minimal interaction with. It is with great difficulty that I try and extend affection to those I share a blood line with but have no common ground with, nor any life experience with.

So I guess I grew up with very little affection and I learnt that people cannot be trusted, I would much rather be with the devils I know and as such I am a bit of a retard but the amazing thing is I so greatly crave affection and the few that do make it into the inner circle occasionally get showers of affection. Selective affection and love is what I think I suffer from and well if I take the time to get to know you I may grow fond of you so there is lots of hope for a positive change on my part. We all have bad habits we are struggling to grow out of this is my one. I am committed to amending this emotional dysfunction. 

A Goddess

A goddess is a woman who
emerges from deep within
herself. She is a woman who has
honestly explored her darkness
and learned to celebrate her light.
She is a woman who is able to fall
in love with the magnificent
possibilities within her. She is a
woman who knows of the magic
and mysterious places inside her,
the sacred places that can nurture
her soul and make her whole. She
is a woman who radiates light.
She is magnetic. She walks into a
room and male and female alike
feel her presence. She has power
and softness at the same time.
She has powerful sexual energy
that's not dependent on physical
looks. She has a body that she
adores and it shows by the way
she comfortably lives and moves
in it. She cherishes beauty, light
and love. She is a mother to all
children. She flows with life in
effortless grace. She can heal with
a look or a touch of the hand. She
is fiercely sensual and fearlessly
erotic and engages in sex as her
way to share with another in
touching the divine. She is
compassion and wisdom. She is
seeker of Truth and cares deeply
about something bigger than
herself. She is a woman who
knows that her purpose in life is
to reach higher and rule with love.
She is woman in love with love.
She knows that joy is her destiny
and embracing it and sharing it
with others to heal wounds. She
is a woman who has come to
know that her partner is as
tender, lost, and frightened as she
has been at times. She has come
to understand the scars of the
boy in him and knows that
together, love can be the relief,
the healing of their wounds. She
is a woman who can accept
herself as she is. She can accept
another as they are. She is able to
forgive her mistakes and not feel
threatened by another's even
when attacked. She is a woman
who can ask for help when she
needs it or give help when asked.
She respects boundaries, hers and
another's. She can see God in
another's eyes. She can see God in
her own. She can see God in every
life situation. She is woman who
takes responsibility for everything
she creates in her life. She is a
woman who is totally supportive
and giving. She is a
Goddess"..."