Emotional retard

Most people have deduced from my previous blogs that I hate men when honestly this is not the case however it has come to my attention that I have a general problem in the affection department. I don’t really seem to love a whole lot of people in my life or I am very selective about who I share my time, love, loyalty and affection with. I think it’s safe to conclude that I am an emotional retard this is because many times I fail to extend the love and affection that many around me may need and require.

This has been an interesting discovery  because to the few I do share my heart with, they can safely say I am a very loving person which is why it was hard for me to accept that I am selective about who I love. The real issue was tracing where and when this all began and I don’t do this because I need an excuse or I need someone or something to blame but rather  because when uprooting problems in one’s life it’s always best to uproot from the roots so the problem is sufficiently dealt with and this ensures that this doesn't reoccur.

I think the main missing element in my life has been the absence of my parents; I grew up generally without the normal family unit/body. As far as I can remember the two main people I always cared for were my grandmother and my sister mostly because we went through so much together. Our bond, love, trust and relationships were formed and strengthened over time and I can relate to this sort of process in all my relationships. The ones I hold dear are the ones I have gone through life with, they are my family and I fail to recognize my blood relatives that I have minimal interaction with. It is with great difficulty that I try and extend affection to those I share a blood line with but have no common ground with, nor any life experience with.

So I guess I grew up with very little affection and I learnt that people cannot be trusted, I would much rather be with the devils I know and as such I am a bit of a retard but the amazing thing is I so greatly crave affection and the few that do make it into the inner circle occasionally get showers of affection. Selective affection and love is what I think I suffer from and well if I take the time to get to know you I may grow fond of you so there is lots of hope for a positive change on my part. We all have bad habits we are struggling to grow out of this is my one. I am committed to amending this emotional dysfunction.