2021

I started this year very afraid as I had covid and four short days into the year I lost a friend to covid,  it was debilitating to say the least.i was consumed with grief and fear and just three days later I emerged covid free and with a birthday to celebrate but I honestly felt survivors guilt. Why was I so lucky to be alive while my friend died without a child and leaving behind a beautiful fiancee? I resolved then to do better, to be better and to be worthy of my life, I sit here today happy to know I made a whole hearted attempt.

The year started on a low and so it could only go up and yes it did until it had to come down all over again like an actual rollercoaster! I guess that's life good times and bad times are constant. Death haunted me this year, I have always struggled with death in that in numbs me and takes me back to when I lost my parents. I don't know if I will ever be comfortable with death I don't know if I will ever be able to grieve without expecting another shoe to drop, but it does make me want to treasure my every breath a little more.

As always this year I dove deeper in my introspection this year and realised how I had been living my life in survival mode. Where getting by each day was the normal I was like a robot following a routine I was existing but not living! I allowed so many moments to go by without experiencing them and I realised this only because when I tried to recall why I did certain things I had no recollections of my emotions or my thought processes which was rather unsettling. I had to snap out if it , I had to breath in the air, smell the flowers and marvel at the sunsets more!

This I did very passionately, I started from with in, with my body. I fell in love with myself all over again faults and all. I fell in love with how I looked and took great pride in my body and my diet and I learnt so much about myself and how my body reacts to what I eat and how I treat it. This is where I learnt self love isn't just about loving what I see in the mirror it's about loving myself from my head to my toes, this is just a deep learning experience that I think continues constantly as you grow.

I learnt to love my hair as it is curly and messy and my face without make up I learnt to feel beautiful as the bare imperfect canvas God created me to be. It gave me so much peace and I cared less and less of what people's opinions of me were. I still love to dress up but now it's not to be seen it's just an expression of who I am. I own Donna-Ray a whole lot more these days you can see more of her character lately not just sad eyes pretending to be ok! I know I am an empath and I wear my heart on my sleeve I know that makes me very vaunerable and the users may come in droves but I love me and I love the light I bring into world and I will not allow fear to change me or make me dim my light!

I have learnt to be kinder to myself and I listen more carefully to my self talk, I hear my thoughts more clearly and I intentionally speak more kindly to myself. I have learnt to be more understanding of my choices and not hold myself to unreachably high standards and appreciate all my efforts to date 😊 I handle myself with care and protect my peace like I do my kids and for it all I am happier and understand more how much happiness is an inside job and as a result very few things steal my joy and sadness never lasts long here. So my diamonds take time to love yourself this year from your head to your toes!

The road to Authenticity

I am learning to love growth its messy and confusing but its liberating too, I nearly made the mistake of claiming to have been going around in circles and dealing with the same demons as before but I noticed a change a small but relevant change in me.

I deal differently now and I respond in new ways. I used to struggle with confrontation and speaking up for myself, i would go into actual stress mode because i did not want to create tension and sadly

 i would go unheard. Im glad this has changed i still hate having uncomfortable conversations but its imperative to speak my mind now more than ever, i used to coast and squeeze myself into uncomfortable spaces just to keep the peace im so glad that's not me anymore.

Every day I see an old layer of me on the floor and I throw it in the bin. I am a vulnerable and honest person that's unafraid of being herself even though it causes me hurt and pain and i get told often im too much or I do too much but its me, all i can do with this life is be me even if noone in this world understands me or appreciates me at this stage the biggest loss would be to hide my light so others can shine. I also had to start setting boundaries as I realised I had none which is something I don't think I was consciously aware of I had been people pleasing for so long and hustling for worthiness that I had totally allowed people to come and go in my life as they pleased and stopping this has been a very hard adjustment for all to accept, but very necessary.

The road of authenticity, i have been on the quest of self discovery and acceptance and love and my new favourite term is authenticity. For me its important to honour my reasons for being on this earth and for being whom God created me to be, I  want to consistently be me, every version you encounter of Donna- Ray should be genuine and should allow you to be the real you without fear of judgement. This is the goal i am working towards and the task is unlearning everything I was taught and removing all the negative declarations on my life which is a fair amount of never ending work.it also means I am constantly evolving and I am constantly work in progress but I'm exited about this process as it unapologetically me.

My diamonds be bold, be courageous and shine as bright as you can even in the darkness and it will always be dark before the light comes. I love you and care for you all.be bold, be brave and be authentic ❤️ 

2020

Just the title alone gives me a wave of emotions but we could never write this year off as terrible entirely. It's the year I learnt to be alone and whole. The lessons I learnt this year are so numerous and I am grateful for them. The last four years had me going at full speed non stop and the initial stall of 2020 was a welcomed stillness. I got a moment to slow down and digest the last few years. What a much needed change in pace, in life until it dragged on for nine months OMG! I got a little restless and took a weekend off of my quarantine life and what a mistake it was! After being a good and compliant citizen I went to an event or three and boom the worst that could happen happened! Unbelievable it was like falling pregnant after an experiment all over again!

I am grateful to be alive and to be able to breathe with ease in thirty years I have never had to focus on the small blessing but this year I did . I managed to reflect on my life my weakness' and strengths and give myself a break because it has been a pretty good life. There is always room for improvement but truly I have fought a good fight.

I caught a virus that killed my friends and family and I was fortunate to come out of it unscathed and for this battle I am extremely grateful to have won. I learnt working from home is an easy ten kilogram weight gain and I also learnt my home can double up as a gym too. I learnt to love my vegetables for their life saving qualities before I needed them to save my life, again only God prepares you for the unseen in such a way and for this I am grateful. This year my kids surpassed me in foot size and height and realised I am indeed about to be the smallest in my family or at least the shortest how crazy is that! Again I am so grateful for their lives and health and how their personalities are developing, I can safely say the next few years are set to interesting and entertaining for me.

I have learnt the value of small circles and building my tribe, a party of 8 is the most fulfilling these days.I have observed alot and really just chilled like never before. I have learnt to honour my mind for the strong machine it is and appreciate how its kept me going always. I honour my body for its unending strength I remember being called a V8 engine when I was young today I appreciate that title alot more. I have learnt to listen to me to honour my desires and to lift my spirits. I learnt to let go because so much doesn't matter any more and I felt the comfort and freedom of forgiveness of how much lighter I am now.

This has been a good year not because it was easy but because the warrior in me got the opportunity to shine. It was a great year because I passed many tests and I know from here on I am fully capable of all I set out to do and of conquering any difficulties I may face. Gaining confidence in my ability to take on life knowing it isn't easy is the blessing I have gained in 2020 and is how I will deal with all that comes my way in 2021!

Cheers to happy new year! May 2021 pleasantly surprise us all!

Dear Woman

Dear Woman

 Do not be ashamed of who you are

 For you are the pillar of strength and power

For ages you have been our world's caregiver

Nature's true mother

And God's own ambassador

The world is formed from you and you complete it

You are the diamond that glitters in bright light in this dark world today

You are a symbol of love, tenderness and care

If only you knew how precious you are

Oh dear woman

Dear Woman

Did you ever know that you are a man's joy and happiness

His wise counsel and oracle of wisdom

Yet your value is not much appreciated in a man's world

You suffer silently and quietly out of love for everybody's sake

You rise early morning to attend to your family

You ensure everyone is cared for

But who cares for you?

Yet you put on a brave face and a smile and stand beside the man who takes all your glory

If only I could take your pain and sorrow away

And replace with endless joy 

Just for you to shout and leap for joy

Oh dear woman

Dear Woman

Now your time has come to take your rightful place

With confidence in yourself and boldness

Your new world is set before you

Take hold of it and claim your freedom

No more tears  no more sorrows

No more playing second best

No more feeling unworthy

No more feeling sorry for yourself

It is your time to shine

And that time is now

You are a queen

Get ready to put your crown of glory back on

And reign reign and reign

I honour you today and forever

Oh dear woman.

Great words by my dear friend Kwame Sarpong

Facebook: Otumfour Kwame Sarpong

Twitter Kwame Sarpong

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LinkedIn Kwame Sarpong

 

2018

I feel I owe you all some insight to my 2018. It was an awesome year full of great adventure and lessons too.

Where to start now? I guess New Year's eve is a good place to start. I was with my then beau getting tipsy in a bar with mostly strangers but happy in that moment.The happiness resonates strongly with the year. I had many unforgettable moments this year that carried me through the tough times.

My birthday the next week was awesome, a whole weekend of celebration with my friends. I was mostly surrounded, but still a little empty.

 This was the first of my lessons this year, being surrounded constantly but still having a deep set loneliness that haunts the soul.

I ignored my soul I felt it never was  satisfied lately always wanting more or was I running again? Had I settled without realising it? Having an outside that looked so good I ignored my most important true self? I brushed it off. Surely, I had learned. I had survived a divorce I couldn't be settling again.........

I kept moving following motions I set in place for reasons that I seemed very uncertain about but it was too late to stop. The wheel gotta keep going now right?

My son turned 13 in March OH boy!! I was never ready to be a mom to a teenager, we really need to be handed manuals after labor! The innocent loving boy that once saw his whole world in me was unrecognisable and constantly angry. I never had the joy of truly experiencing my teenage years as I became a mum young and well granny raised me so there was no time to be angry or to give attitude. When you're raised by your granny you learn to behave or, she will beat the teenage outta you! So I stayed in my lane until I got pregnant....this fact and background, is what scared me the most. This is the age where my young man is so easily influenced. I had to get back into his head and boy was this work! Letting him tell me his feelings and experiences which all seemed trivial to me at the time, but to him were big issues so I had to take a step back and try to understand without judging and giving too many blunt solutions.....this was extremely hard, I seem to have coped I think.....

I had to leave my kids this year for six weeks to fulfil a dream of mine which was to have a varsity experience. As a Mandela Washington Fellow. I got to go to one of the best business schools in America the Kellogg School of Buisness what an opportunity and experience this was for me. The exposure, information and connections I made on this trip were invaluable and the experience was amazing. I was so at home in Chicago it was so unreal. I was viewed as a latina by the locals so I felt so at home. 

My time in America was purely selfish. I spent very little time focused on my life back home beyond making sure all was well. I fully immersed myself in the experience and made adventures that when I share now, show full immersion in a new experience. The major take aways from my experience were that it was OK for me not to be the smartest in a room and not to be the baddest in everything, this was a hard lesson. I won't lie I felt more inadequate than OK at the time. I learnt that I have a well adjusted personality that could settle anywhere in the world. I lived with 8 ladies and 16 gentlemen from all over Sub-Saharan Africa. It was interesting. I accepted that my self confidence really makes other girls a tad bit uncomfortable and so they were mostly guarded around me. The boys loved me so I chilled with the boys mostly and cooked for everyone. The American girls were liberal like me and we got on very well.

I was liberated by not needing to be liked and embracing my differences. I learnt to enjoy my own company and  go on adventures alone. I realised the mother in me dominates, as I mothered everyone around me. I accepted that this is a part of who I am, a mother. It’s a role I have played most of my life and one I love. I gained confidence in losing it, such an oxymoron, yet a very interesting experience. The most important lesson or affirmation I got in my time away is that for someone who took a detour in life, I caught all the way up to my peers in fact I may have overtaken them.This allowed me to get out of my head and stop feeling like I had so much to make up for because I made a mistake when I was young.

Coming home was awesome. The kids appreciated me more. A little absence definitely makes the heart grow fonder!

After spending so much time away,  it felt right that I take the munchkins away too for three weeks at the end of the year which they loved.

To summarise, my year was rich in experience and adventure, empty in true love and soul satisfaction but I owned it and kinda heard my soul. Even though I did not take much action within the year, I heard myself and its all part of the process and just to reassure you all I took action in 2019!

The Template

So it's been a long minute and I apologise for my silence life has been happening and mostly by life I mean adult education its intense and renders you lifeless at times. I have been growing and so much has happened and I will try and bring you up to speed,however my major breakthrough that has me out here breaking my silence is one of great importance and significance to me.

I read my blog the other day and I was almost brought to tears in sadness that I am in the exact same place now relationship wise that I was in many years ago and that reality cut deep. I then i came across a quote that said that God will keep giving the same lesson in life until you learn the lesson or something along those lines and so being the curious minded individual that I am I went to learn and understand my lesson so I stop the circling in insanity.

My search landed me in therapy, which I am so glad I went for and well in talking we unearthed my daddy issues and how I keep dating my father. As my dad was never really present in my life i spent alot of my childhood chasing him when ever I saw him and he would tell me I'm too much or I talk too much and this that or the other. He really gave me the impression that i was undeserving of his love and attention and that got embedded in my template and I came up with the idea that i am not good enough and therefore I should settle even though I'm very uncomfortable settling.

This great lesson demistifies alot of my struggles in relationships.I have kept myself busy not asking for too much and settling for men who are not brave enough to acknowledge my awesomeness and attempt to give me the love I deserve and desire. The very smart gentlemen I am attracted to that are master manipulators that use my honesty against me to keep me stuck in relationships that meet non of my needs but invoke me to give of all of me.

What a journey it had been and how I spent so much time searching and wondering what's wrong with me only to find out nothing at all. I am a Great multi talented beautiful woman whom in thirty years had not had her heart cared for the way she needs and this is not a call for sympathy but rather a celebration of knowledge. I am no victim and I allowed these relationships in my life maybe because of a subconscious indoctrination that was embedded in me from childhood however I know better now. I trust and love myself first and I will listen to the inner me more often and I'm sure I will save myself from alot of unnecessary pain.

I hope this blog resonates with someone who is frustrated because they dont get it why can't you find the right one? Hunny because  the first relationship you have to win at is the one with yourself, keep shinning diamonds and continue to grow....

13years later Mummy diaries

I am in awe at how time flies just 13 years ago I was holding my baby boy by this time born at 3.10 am and weighing 3.06 kgs after about 17 hours of labor. I remember so vividly that my first instinct was to check for 10 fingers and 10 toes, and then we waited for the cry,  but my little boy made me catch a breathe first, after an awkwardly long few minute pause he then broke the silence. I laid back in the labor bed in happiness, I had done it! Successfully brought life onto this earth, with God's help, and what a joy it is to be a mother, there is no purpose like it on this earth. I immediately went from being a girl, to a mother and it was an amazing feeling.

Not having been raised by my mother and also being very young I planned on being the best mother ever. It is sad that while my intentions were good they didn't come from the right place and I think this is when my journey of needing to show the world I can do It all began. I was prepared to be the best young mother, student and wife this world had ever seen, and as age was on my side, I didn't tire much.

Unfortunately hours after my son was born he turned blue and off to the incubator he went and then the horror of being a mother set in, the worry and concern of how to make what you don't know or understand better began. Fortunately prayer gives sanity, so I prayed and began my nursery shift, every two hours I had to go in and express milk and check on my baby. I was so enthusiastic about it, the nurses loved me, I am sure at my age they expected me to be clueless lol.

The nursery wasn't a fun place to be in there were young premature babies that were really ill or babies that had just lost their mum's. I was shocked and collapsed upon initial sight of it all, but after that initial shock I became a soldier, I was determined to get my son out of there as soon as possible and that we did. This was mostly because it was Easter  and I wanted hot cross buns and not hospital food lol. Four days later my son had a clean bill of health and we were out of the maternity clinic and off home, what a relief.

Anthony was the easiest baby to raise, his goals in life were strictly to eat and sleep and I loved him for it. It also helped that he was breathtakingly handsome and I couldn't help but fall in love with my son and keep him content,  no one really realized there was a baby in the house until bath time.... I recall my mother in law asking if he was able to cry lol. 

How time changes, now his very opinionated but still such a pleasure to raise and very respectful.13 years ago God gave me the greatest gift I could have asked for and I just want to thank him. Thank you God I couldn't have asked for a better assignment in this world its the most fulfilling task ever, being a mother! As we begin this next leg of the journey continue with me and equip me with all I need to do all I need to do. Again God Thank you so so much you are too awesome!!!!!

2017

This has been an interesting year with alot of ups and downs and uncertainty however in the end I learnt alot of valuable lessons. Now where to start.....I think I have discovered happiness and it's not human induced happiness, It's a joy and self love from deep within. This happiness has allowed me to take a step back and always remember "not my circus , not my monkeys". I have had moments where I got emotionally invested in situations that neither added value nor subtracted value from my life, and I had to learn to let things go. This was necessary for me to actually realise that I'm not doing bad in my life's journey*high five*.

At times I think we get so caught up in the world and in chasing the next dream, that we rarely sit back and appreciate the distance we have covered. My 2018 is all about living in the moment and accepting the gift of the present. I have so so much to be grateful for and I must say I am completely excited about this year it's going to be my absolute best year yet, I can feel it!

So from 2017 I will highlight my gratitude, gratitude for great health and for sticking to a fitness lifestyle for over a year and counting. I also tried my first ever diet, Yes I did the Banting diet and I lost 7 kgs, absolutely wow!!! Was it hard YES and did I cheat  just a little but what did I learn from it? Discipline and the fact that Donna can survive without KFC lol. It completely created a new awareness of what I eat. I now put a whole lot more thought into my meals, I drink more water and fruits are my life. In all honesty eating healthy isn't that bad or hard and the benefits are gorgeous.

I'm grateful for my kids growth a whole year and no hospital visits or broken bones *whoop whoop* I made the discovery that my son is an adrenaline junkie and I enabled a few of his highs this year ,  in hope it's all a passing phase. The young man is a teenager now, he has his first girlfriend and has done fairly well in his first ever public exam! I marvel at how time has flown by, I am mostly grateful of our relationship he trusts me more and his free to tell me about his life which is really important as we embark on the teenage years.

Miss Nicole has finally kicked her shyness to the curb!!!She has blossomed this year and her confidence has bloomed. She is so much of me, it is frightening however its also very exciting to observe. This little girl brings me so much joy, love and entertainment, she is the little free spirit I couldn't be and I am so glad to be able to allow her to be. All my hard work and drive in life is because I have the most amazing children in the world and I feel it is my duty to give them an amazing life.

I am grateful to see in another year its almost my new year now, my birthday, I am in awe and the debut the new year has made and it really has me excited about this year. I am happy and enthusiastic, I am giving love another chance and I continue to build myself in every way possible. I strive for excellence is all I do and I desire to live a fulfilled well balanced life. I actively plan and execute my plans as best as I can to reach my goals and if I fail I keep on trying! For 2018 dear diamonds I want you to fail forward! fail and get back up and try again never allow yourself to be stagnant keep on moving forward,

Why I Love You......

I love you because I never planned to,
I never went out searching nor did I feel ready to love,
Our roads just came to a sudden convergence,
I never thought you would catch my eye until you were all I saw.

So subtle were  your charms and advancements.

I had no idea of the time or place you stole my heart,

This is no complaint on my part-meeting you unlocked
every piece pf me,
It seems from the very start!

All there was and is, is excitement at the mere thought of you......
So in sync was our connection, words like fate rolled from my lips,
So intense was our attraction I feared lust,
So swift did we progress that I assumed infatuation had me bust.

And yet, I love you, because everyday, I am drawn in deeper,,
And deeper.

I love you because you never asked me to love you,
It's so rare to find a genuine connection in this day,
So uncommon to feel safe in someone's arms
Unusual to trust and care this deeply for another.

My love, how far out you have brought me from my cocoon,

My rare jewel that I have stumbled upon-accidentally.
I love you because I had no other option other than to try,
To go down this frightening path I hadn't dared chance in a while,
To love as if my heart was never broken before.

I love you because you love me too.

No words fully express what you mean to me,

My ray of sunshine, my world all in one,

My excitement for tomorrow,
And why I believe in love again.

2016

Wow what a year, 2016 has been nothing short of amazing. I learnt so much this year and I can safely call it one of my best years thus far in life.

My favourite starting point is my little people, Nicole started grade one this year and lost another two teeth. My baby girl is growing and I cant control it and the scary and yet exciting part of it is that she is becoming more and more like me. She has evolved and has grown so much she is very interesting now, understanding her character and listening to her thought patterns has been very enlightening. My school runs have been something I have looked forward to this year as its the best time to get daily updates on the kids lives.

As for Anthony, his voice broke and the preteen acne got him (oh nooo) I also suspect the young man is hiding a relationship from me (we will deal with this one later). This is the scariest part of raising kids I think , when hormones kick in and they become teenagers (I pray against rebellion). I pray everyday for strength and wisdom and most importantly for God's leadership otherwise I have no chance at sucess in this role. This year I had great interesting moments with my kids we travelled more together and learnt a little more about our family and did alot more activities  together time well spent on my part.

One of my personal advantages of being a young mum is the experience I have gained. Parenting is a learning process we are always in class and I must confess that lately the semesters are getting better the relationships I have with my kids are nothing short of amazing and they are my driving force in life. The kids are at the ages where communication is clear and we are a closer family unit now and I love it and I pray it gets better. My sister and family relationships have improved I tried to do something special for each of them this year and I think i did an ok job so that's a positive on this front. I spent quality time with other family members which was awesome family is key in life and I am embracing it more and more.

My career improved as expected and i got promoted to Team leader which has been interesting, I went from having one mentee to leading 6 individuals. New ground for me, to not only work for me but for the whole unit. It has been interesting having to learn to think about others before myself on the career front . The greatest discovery for me was that I can do anything I put my mind to, absolutely anything I decide on achieving is within reach this has been so liberating for me this year. Leadership is my skill to develop in the coming year and I look forward to becoming a great leader.  I feel I have grown as an advisor too which has been amazing the confidence I now command in meetings and the results of good decisions are a great comfort for me. I absolutely love my job and I am excited for the year ahead so much to learn and tackle and growth is always on the cards.

I start my CFA in 2017 wish me luck as this year i did well in my exams and I am ready to give the brain more work. I look forward to learning new things and as I declared before each year gets better and this is definitely something that gives me great excitement for each new year. My best measure for growth at the end of each year is if I am a better quality of person now than I was at the start of the year and using this measure I can say I have grown. My real new year starts on my birthday next week but as always I wish you prosperity, growth and sucess in 2017 make this year amazing diamonds.

Know thy Self

Self mastery is the ultimate key to happiness and yet our greatest fear why though? how many times have you had a loving heart to heart with yourself? It is so easy to come down harshly on yourself or not to trust yourself and yet that is this worst experience you could give yourself. One of my successful lessons and experiences this year was learning to love and trust myself, I admit this was not easy as I was my worst enemy however, I am getting better at this everyday now. I am me the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty too and the more I own this the happier I become. Ownership and accountability we seem to chase these alot externally, then wonder why in doing so we never feel fulfilled internally. This is because charity begins at home always!

Knowing and trusting myself has been an interesting journey mostly because it hardly ends, and it involves alot of conversations with yourself, I call it seeking expert advice. My first task I think was in isolating myself, a very daunting task for me as I love people however I learnt how to be alone this year. Great peace came from this, when we are constantly surrounded and on the go life becomes very noisy and truth be told we can't hear ourselves and we miss alot. When we take the time to quiet down and think through our actions and decisions we become tactical, strategic and organised. I love who I am and where I m going in life however the progress I have made in one year surpasses that of my lifetime.

In understanding, loving and accepting Donna I have achieved more than I had expected to achieve and most importantly I unlocked strength and courage. This year I believe I came to the realization that anything I set my mind on doing I can do, I learnt nothing is impossible which is insane but also so liberating and exciting. The hard and impossible life process became possible, the difficult roads to walk became must experience adventures and all this by a simple mindset change. I took full control and responsibility for me, I did not look for excuses or for people and situations to blame, I became a solution provider for myself and if I couldn't come up with a solution it was normally because the problem was beyond my control and in such cases there is a prepared response for various outcomes.

The next step was self discipline this one is tough the little rebellious self resides in you and controlling her is the real challenge. This is such an important process and yet im sure this is where most of us lose the battle, again ''expert advice'' must be sought continuously. My best activity to instill self discipline was the gym and developing new habits, I literally had to train myself like I was a pet which seems crazy but true. Humans have the most powerful minds but we waste them we let our minds get programmed by the TV and coast through life. I have taken to feeding my mind and body mostly that which is good and necessary for it. I could go on for days but this is meant to be food for thought for you. Do you know you?, do you understand you? and most importantly after knowing you can you love you? The answers need to be yes to these questions if not you have work to do, know thy self.

A woman by Myanmar Angelou/Pamela Redmond

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....

Enough money within her control to move out...
And rent a place of her own
even if she never wants to
or needs to...
Something perfect to wear if the employer
or date of her dreams wants to See Her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
A youth she's content to leave behind....
A past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her Old Age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
A set of screwdrivers,
a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
One friend who always makes her laugh...
And one Who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
A good piece of furniture not previously owned
by anyone else in her Family...
Eight matching plates,
wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make
her guests feel Honored...
A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without losing herself..
HOW TO QUIT A JOB,
BREAK UP WITH A LOVER,
AND CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT
RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP...
When to try harder...
And WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change the length of her calves,
The width of her hips,
or the nature of her parents..
That her childhood may not have been perfect...
But it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
How to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table...
Or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
A month...
And a year... ॐ

Written By: Maya Angelou/Pamela Redmond Satran

Being bold, different and daring!

I learnt much later in life to embrace being different, it was a hard lesson as there is comfort in going with the masses and being a face in the crowd. This was never my destiny unfortunately and sticking out like a sore thumb is just me and I have learnt to embrace it finally.

As women we are raised to be good wives, great mothers and phenomenal home makers however it brings great discomfort that for many of us the list of achievements ends there. I am all for having a great home ethic and being a phenomenal home maker I am one myself and take great pride in my wifely skills so to put them.

However I just don't think that this all there is to us, I strongly believe as women we are the one sex with the ability  and will power to do more,achieve more live more and be more. Just a bit of background to avoid the perception that I am a bitter woman who has turned against the age old housewife. I was a wife for a few years and it was a great job until I matured and apart of me desired more in terms of growth and achievements and unfortunately my partner wasn't ready for a stronger me nor for my growth and self development.

A hunger grew inside of me that wasn't fulfilled by stagnation any longer .A fire burned within me of potential to be more than I ever imagine and when I shared this with my then partner it was stifled. Fortunately for me the strong feeling that I was wasting my potential began to haunt me in the form of discomfort and unhappiness. The happiness and comfort I had built and felt very comfortable in was fading fast and I couldn't bare 20 more years of letting my potential die.

This was my next stage of maturity as a woman, and probably the stage when many of us are told that we change as we begin to want more and rightfully so. I agree with the fact that for women every decade brings a new level of  maturity, change and growth. Fortunately for me my twenties wouldn't allow me to be a passenger in my own life, I was not meant to be a girl who gave it all up for her children. My future was meant to be bright bold and beautiful, however I had to fight the fear of the unknown and take a leap of faith into a new chapter and leave all my comforts behind.

Looking back now I would strongly embrace the younger me that walked away from comfort, as it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. How I have evolved in the last four years is unbelievable, its been an amazing journey of self discovery, trust and acceptance and I look forward to my thirties as I near the next stage of my maturity. I have never felt so comfortable in my own skin, being a strong woman who knows what she wants and goes after it unapologetically. If you asked me today what can't you do the only answer I could give is Fail.

I have discovered a place of limitless potential and opportunity and no one could have ever told me that I would be the woman  I am today but, interestingly enough I look forward to the woman I will be tomorrow. I am bold and very different and daring however its a beautiful thing to be viewed with marvel and interest. I still know that the best is yet to come and I am growing into the woman I have always wanted to be daily, the diamond is being perfected. 

My Entrepreneurial Journey led me to my Career!

The last I touched on being an entrepreneur I was advanced  in my journey of building my empire and yet today 5 short years later I see myself on a completely different path altogether. I will always be an entrepreneur at heart and ultimately I know I will see myself back on this path in no time at all, however the journey I started three years ago has proven to be one of immeasurable value in building the most well rounded leader Africa will come to discover in the near future.

At the devere group

I write elated and charged with excitement with the prospects life has in store for me and has already given me. Four years ago I decided to follow my teenage dreams of being a Financial Advisor and explore the financial industry. I started in the micro finance industry and well that did not have a lot to offer in terms of growth or international exposure, I then decided to go a step further and venture into International finance.  I started working for an International brokerage firm, however due to my age and inexperience I did not get to start off as Financial Advisor as I had so desired. None the less I began as an assistant to an advisor (ideal enough for me to learn all I needed to beforehand). My role was to develop new business leads for my advisor and provide the necessary administrative support, this was not too difficult a task given my experience in building networks and being a social butterfly I was seemingly in my element. I got to a good start unfortunately all my enthusiasm and hard work did not immediately equate to overwhelming success. The sad reality of becoming a professional it is never as easy as it looks.

Officially a nerd

My first reality check was having to adjust to a formal business set up that I was not in control of; this was the most painful of lessons. I must say it was a step in reality on the road to humility; this was due to my being so accustomed to doing my own thing that having to account for my time formally was a literal lesson. The shift in focus and the need to upgrade my knowledge and skill set brought me to the decision to let my business go in pursuit of a career, this felt like a huge digression at the time but I am glad I made that decision now. So often we over value being informal business owners and yet we stagnate in the disillusion of being a boss mean while we have no real measure of success or progress, we just circle in ignorance. This does not go for all this was mostly my journey as a young inexperienced business owner. Selling off my business was painful however I knew I didn’t have what I needed to take it to the next level, I also knew the importance of the journey I was about to embark on, that of learning, understanding and respecting money which would later equip me to be a better business owner in the future.

In my first year I was distraught as after sacrificing my business to pursue this career it was not even lifting off the ground. I gave it my all and came real close to making it but somehow the cake wasn’t mine. I was shattered, concerned that I had made a bad decision, I began doubting if finance was even the right career for me. I distracted myself with smoking and drinking and somehow I  got comfortable in the misery of failure, after a few pep talks and the intervention of my personal convictions, I decided to regroup and give this career life one more real try. I did and I switched things up 100% and within three short months there was a huge turn around in me I was winning and boy did it feel good! A fire and desire for continuous success was ignited in me and I never looked back! I was once again reassured that this was where I was meant to be, six short months later I was flying to Cape Town for Financial Consultant training. I had done it I made my dream come true and then my journey as a financial advisor began. 

In work mode

My One and Only!

My smile permanently glows from ear to ear

My heart is overjoyed by this ecstasy I know as your love

I am baffled by my ignorance before and detest it

I am forever grateful for the patience you have shown

Never walking away from my childish ways

Staying against my pushes meant to edge you away

Mostly I am grateful that you have loved me endlessly

The walls you broke down brick by brick without my awareness

The comfort and assurance you consistently portrayed

The admiration and support you constantly gave and still give

The never ending kindness, humility and respect

The values you have shown me were once but an enigma

The subtle way you moved into my heart is why I adore you!

Finally I realize you’re the one and it all comes to me

Joy, shock, happiness and fear a windstorm of emotions

It’s so amazing you can’t wait for the next sunrise and you wilt when it sets
It’s so real it feels like the sun is rising in the west
Your thoughts stolen, your smile undying
The courage to ride so brisk, the strength in you so illusory
Delirium, ecstasy, frenzy, bliss, your my new muse

What a love we have ever growing and maturing

Friendship that unmasks the nakedness of truth

yet still grows stronger

Chronic nostalgia encroaches when we are apart

Excitement and blithe flow when we are reunited

Absolute bliss that constantly has one questioning reality

My one and only what a privilege to be on this journey with you!

May our love continue to flourish and strengthen.

2015

This has been a year of growth and indeed alot of building, I am unsure of where to start really. I have loads of joy as I recall the year even though it had its fair share of disappointments,loss and unfairness, I do know the positives do outweigh the negatives.

As a doting mother I will begin with my babies whom I can no longer refer to as babies. Nicole graduated from preschool this year and is going to big school next year, she also lost two front teeth (rather early in my opinion). She has also found her own opinion ( a rather misguided one at that) that she voices often with no backing whatsoever but I guess this is part of her growth. I love the love she has for me and never attempts to hide it, this really makes my life knowing I am her world, just the boost I need on a dull day. Nicky also got her first beat down this year from me( I hope it was the last one too) discipline is so hard but so necessary she seemed to get the message though, I think we on the same page now. She is growing into quite the confident little girl and this warms my heart fifteen more years to go lol.

Anthony turned ten this year and my wise man has developed sarcasm and an ear for hip hop even though he has two left feet (in my opinion). Watching your child grow is surreal we have this urge to protect them even though we also want to see what they will become without too much interference. I like to watch Ant from afar and understand him, unlike his sister who is a mini me, his a different and very unique individual. I love the confidence he has in me I think im a superhero in his world lol (no pressure at all). I got him to put off having a girlfriend till his twelve (doing my happy dance right now) so I have a bit of time to think of how we postponing the next date. His a level headed young man with wisdom beyond his years and alot of life I just need to wean him off dstv and video games, to aide this mission I have invested in books (2016 mission create a bookworm)

My sisters and I fought alot less this year (yay) this is a big one, I also think we have established better communication methods now and this living together thing is going better than i ever expected. I think the year ahead will have more adventures for us as long as the bullying stops lol! Family is everything in life and even though I lost alot of close family early in life I am learning the open up a bit more the with the ones that are still alive. I think the growth end of our relationships are expanding, I also never expect us to be perfect and getting along all the time, I just want fulfillment within our imperfection which is achievable.

My career was pretty much established last year and I am blossoming in it and loving every minute of it, I also took on my first mentee this year a very interesting task, I had forgotten how to teach someone else with love and patience, it's been a great journey with a lot of lessons. I think I have a lot of growth in store this year within my career and I look forward to it, I have also got a lot of personal development I have scheduled in this year for myself. I am being a sponge again in 2016 I would like to absorb and fully experience where I am and make memories and not want to keep going in the rat race. I want to smell the roses and count the notes too.

I am pleased with the prospect of a new year and look forward to it all, Growth and Expansion are the themes this year Diamonds come out of your shells and fly around with me! Happy New Year make this one a memorable year as I will!

Sparky............

So I have had the worst insomnia for close to five years now (it's now such a part of me and my lifestyle). In actual fact insomnia is how I began writing. So as I lay sleepless at times like these the silence and peace of mind allows me to share my thoughts and like them my fears.  

I have extensively discussed loss here as it has been one of the realities I have been forced to deal with in my life. However the most disturbing sequence of events has had me burying my friends and peers. This by far has been the most anguishing experience.  You never think the friend you once shared a desk with in class and have kinda lost touch with is the one friend you would be forced to say goodbye to before being given the opportunity to catch up.

Conversations remain incomplete and the dreams and plans you shared are the gut wrenching reminder of how unfair life can be. Again death has angered me so with its injustice with its unfair theft of the young. The future is being pulled out from under us, mothers and father's burying children they hoped would bury them, siblings sayig goodbye to friends they needed to get through the good and bad days. The broken hearted are increasing, sadness becomes the reality as loss continues its onslaught on the future.

I lost my baby sister a few years ago and this has been by far one of the most disturbing losses I have ever experienced, to the point where I got fungus from the inability to understand how a 13 year old beautiful girl full of life, with such a bright future ahead could have her life taken away. At 13 she had one of the most unfair exits to life and many times I wish she had been given the grace to live a little longer. I often wish I had the opportunity to tell her she was loved or the chance to change her life. The helplessness I felt when she passed was indescribable, nothing I could do would change her fate no money, power or ability could stop it. No warning or preparation came either just the sad end that was forced down my throat.

I will never understand why, I can never fully accept how this is a necessary experience.  All I know is that life is tragically unfair and it is ever so important to let the ones you love and care for know that you care and love them deeply. Simply because we may get to the point where it's too late to say  ....

The Cataracts

My title is metaphorical  and I will need you to bear with me on this blog as it's been a while since I expressed myself. *deep sigh of disappointment* I have been telling myself that I have writers block and considering my writing experience hasn't been that much for such experiences,  I think I could be wrong.

Anyways onto my story,It appears that I have been so engrossed with my life, that I have not had the time to share my experiences.  However this could be wholely attributed to the simple fact that I have been in the process of discovery or understanding. To go through a few of the discoveries I am referring to;

I can sadly confirm I am still an angry woman and forgiveness is such a demanding process! that I fully understand why so many choose the path of bitterness and unforgiveness. Unfortunately for  me I want to stick this  one out and be a happy whole woman again.

Forgiveness class in session, what I have learnt is that with forgiveness you need to fully understand what has been done to you, and in full knowledge of this make a conscious decision to let it go. The impossible part right! For me definately right.  I am the person who feels that wrongs should be rightly dealt with and that justice must be served always and whilst being of that mindset I also feel that I deserve fair chances in life and I must be forgiven.

Who is the hypocrite now! Yes it's true I am riding the fence now I have my work cut out for me. My journey of forgiveness is one of discovery and intense hurt but it is necessary for me to look back and understand how I hurt people too, and how in as much as I am forgiven, I must do the very same for others. The difficult part for me is in full knowledge, looking beyond situations.

In conclusion a cataract is the clouding of the eye lens. This is an occurance for the elderly mostly. But what I have related this to is that with age we get wisdom, knowledge and understanding which is why when your older you develop a cloud that affects your vision,  which is equivalent to us learning to cloud out the hurt and letting go of the pain and moving on hopefully this can begin before we get older. The message is let love rule and invite cataracts into your heart to help you let go of situations.

Stop Xenophobia

I might not be a South African

But I’m black, my skin is the same as yours

My colour is the same as yours

My genes are African, nothing but African

When your leaders were beaten by whites

I was there to shelter them

I was patient with them

I offered them food, shelter,

Most of all, I offered them protection

I might be a South African

I can’t speak Zulu, cause I’m Vhenda

I can’t speak Zulu, cause I’m Shangaan

I don’t know what an elbow is in Zulu

As much as you don’t know it in my language

Since when was Zulu the only South African language?

Yes……………I’m not from Gauteng

I was not born here, but I’m South African

Where should I go if you beat me

I’m not beating your father, mother, brother or sister who works at my area in the mines

I’m not calling them makwerekwere though they can’t speak my language.

I might be dark in complexion

I might have the foreigners looks

I might have the foreigners body structure

Now I am scared to go to the only place that I call home

I’m scared of working down the street without my ID

Whites wanted me to do that centuries ago

Now you, my black brother is acting white

Why should you Black South Africans do this?

What makes you think that you better than me?

Who told you that I’m responsible for your unemployment?

Who told you that I’m less human

If I need to go back to Vhenda……..let all the Zulus go back to KZN

Let all the Tswana’s go back to Botswana

Let all the Sotho’s go back to Lesotho

Let all the Ndebele’s go back to Kwandebele

Let all the Xhosa’s go back to Eastern Cape

Yes…………let all the Swati’s go back to Swaziland

Is this not ignorance?

Your unemployment is your responsibility

Use your intellect

Get up and work

Let education empower you

Seek humanity

Before 1994 you blamed whites

Now you are blaming me

Who are you going to blame after chasing me away?

Who are you going to blame after killing me?

For what it’s worth…………………..

I’m sorry I was not born here

I’m sorry I can’t speak Zulu

I’m sorry for being too dark for your Joburg

I’m sorry for cleaning the toilets you don’t want to clean

I’m sorry for doing your garden

I’m sorry for repairing your shoes

I’m sorry for protecting your leaders while they were in Exile

Yes…………………what you call Exile………..is my country

And most of all…….I’m sorry for building South African infrastructure

Please my brothers let there be peace and prosperity amongst black African people.

Written by a Teary Black African ………………….Onica

Love Notes

I can't un-miss you no matter how hard I try
I can't un-think you and pretend you ain't on my mind
I can't un-do your touch
I can't un-feel that much
There are some things i just dont know how to do
I can't un-love you

We have been through everything there is, through the laughter and the tears
We have seen through trials that test our faith who would have know it would turn out to be years.

Before you, I can't remember what I used to be
Before you, I can't imagine needing anyone more than I need thee

You were the one who spoke the fear away
You were the one who chose me - and you chose to stay

Who would have known it would be you.
I know for sure Inever knew it would be You.
I'm so glad it was you....