"You handled it so well!"

If only you knew.

If only you knew how my hands trembled

when no one was watching.

How I lay awake beneath the ceiling’s silence,

replaying moments like broken records,

asking myself if I had done enough,

if I had been enough.

If only you heard the whispers—

the quiet doubts that crept into my chest,

telling me strength was just a mask I wore too well.

So I fastened my smile,

kept my voice steady,

because that’s what you needed to see.

But when the doors closed

and the world grew still,

I unraveled.

The tears I swallowed by day

spilled freely at night,

reminding me of all I’d carried in secret.

If only you knew the cost—

what it took to rise again each morning,

to pretend I was whole

when all I wanted was to disappear.

You saw the calm, the steady grace,

the smile that never wavered.

You did not see the fractures,

the questions that haunted me,

the nights I wondered

how much longer I could hold myself together.

I made it look easy—

because that’s what everyone needed.

But inside,

I was fighting wars no one knew existed,

and every day was just another battle

against the weight of silence.

If only you knew…