Two years on...............

Wow it is absolutely insane to think that I began this journey two years ago. I know in the last year I haven’t been as fervent a writer as before but this is solely due to a crazy work schedule, life and a bit of writers block however I have dearly missed my writing. This is my solitude and my safe haven and without it I felt quite empty, none the less I am back with a bang.

I can’t profess to growing as a writer as yet, but I have been very selective of what I publish I may have also learnt to keep a few cards close to my chest. In as much as I desire to tell the world my every experience I have come to learn that not every single one is relevant and necessary to share, a lot of moments are simply meant to be lived in and cherished in ones heart. I did manage to decide on a personal brand direction. That was an absolute step in the right direction in terms of defining myself and understanding the image i wan to portray professionally. I had many instances where i was very confused by my talents and strengths but that is resolved now.

My family life has transitioned very well and i can almost safely say i have found some balance, I guilt trip myself alot less. I have more memories with my family and i treasure every moment that comes with watching my family grow and develop which brings me joy. For once i stuck to some form of exercise, soccer,  which has been doing my body wonders i have shed quite a few extra unwanted kilo’s and i am glowing with joy. I have found my happy place I believe, it’s not perfect nor is it trouble free but i am certain that it is MY HAPPY PLACE. I wake up every morning thankful and hopeful; i am not easily moved by situations and not shaken easily anymore.

In retrospect I made the biggest decision of my life two years ago and I have no regrets, I look forward to a happy future. What’s the point one may ask, the point is i took a leap of faith, i followed my heart and i am happy about it, I live to write about it. So many lead lives of fear and unhappiness as they are afraid of what may come from following the heart, the fear of the unknown. So many people waste away on this earth, living simple lives and pass on without getting the very best from the world. I have been to several funerals and i don’t cry because they are no more, i cry because they went through so much and enjoyed so little, i look at my life i enjoy so much and i want so much more it baffles me how so many settle for less, how people are content with crumbs when there is cake on the table. Oh how i wish we would all clamor around the table for the cake and leave crumbs of life on the floor.

Reinvent yourself

Some days you just wake up on top of the world for no apparent reason, you’re energetic and joyful. And bang it is in the middle of the month your broke and well you’re actually supposed to be stressed and unhappy and here you are grinning from ear to ear. No one understands what drugs you’re on, and well you’re quite in-comprehensive of where everyone is coming from with their negativity and lack of shared joy.

Well that’s probably because you have reinvented yourself, not in the technical sense but mentally. This is a very necessary step in these trying times that we live in, many a time you will need to literally pull yourself out of the gutter. Willing or unwilling you have to be your biggest supporter and encourager. It is imperative that you change your mindset and instead of repelling, start attracting what you want in life. Many times people fail to realize that their take on things, their mental conversations and most importantly their thoughts greatly affect their happiness. The simple lack of attention paid to these aspects has people dwelling in self made misery.

To prove this simply get an optimist and a pessimist and watch them, the later is unhappy and nothing changes this state and they spiral into greater and far greater despair and yet it is all self-inflicted. Watch an optimist at work, they exude joy and happiness and as a result they lead a life of happiness and similarly it is indeed self induced. This simply means that reinventing yourself is simply renewing your mind for your personal benefit, your circumstances shouldn't affect this process. When you think positively you allow yourself a positive energy to help you deal with all the circumstances around you. All i am saying is don’t sit and wait for a stroke of luck to get you in a good place in your life, make that good luck and create your own happiness you have the power to do this.

The first essential step to reinventing yourself is being grateful; take a moment to jot down all the things you are grateful for in life, you will find yourself in awe and like magic your mindset shifts you come to realize all the things worth being happy for. Living a happy life doesn't mean you have no problems and worries; it simply means your level headed and ready to deal with life’s problems and worries with the right attitude. This is the simple difference between the happy and the unhappy their mindsets and emotional intelligence. When you control you mind, thoughts and reactions you’re emotionally intelligent and a very happy person too. Make the choice today to be happy and positive, go on reinvent yourself you deserve it.

This Mess

I knew i hadn't healed one hundred percent as yet but i guess loneliness got the best of me and i found myself letting someone in. I t wasn't the best of decisions i could of made as my first two attempts of moving on were kind of left out there and incomplete, i had never really closed the doors and here i was opening another door, i guess it should have spelt disaster from the get go, but on day one who really thinks of the future? I thought i’d see what happens, besides i was the ice queen i wasn't about to fall in love or anything, i wasn't even expecting anything, no expectations meant no disappoint this is what I learnt,  at this point i was experienced enough to do well  and be a big girl and not get caught up.

This is what I thought however this isn't what happened, I hadn't met someone I felt at ease with. I hadn't felt like this in a very long while, everything came so easy so much common ground was established it was somewhat surreal. The excitement and the courage that grew in me set me on fire, something new was ignited in me it was fun and all so easy. It felt like we had known each other for years and yet we had barely scratched the surface. My world was completely turned around I was a changed soul.  I was flourishing in joy, happiness and love. The world was beautiful place again, the world made sense and I was on top of my game with the glow and all. I felt as though i was in my very own bubble of happiness and it was the most amazing bubble ever!

As we all know bubbles have life spans very short one’s at that, and as such life intervened and my bubble popped. I found myself in a tornado somehow and all i wanted was to feel the ground and it was nowhere in sight, not again i thought but alas it was so. The young blossoming love was plucked out again, arrggghh this really needed to stop happening! I was fast becoming a relationship walking disaster which really wasn't the ideal title for me. Instead of admitting defeat and dealing with the pain, the ice queen came in to settle, we never shed a tear we never admit we need anyone and very rarely do we confess our true feelings. My walls came right back up reinforced and ready to fend off anymore vultures. Normality set in or at least was reinforced, i may not like being an ice- queen but it is my safest place for now, while i regroup and decide my next step.