This I would
say is one of the greatest fears of mankind today, everyone wants to be loved
and accepted in society and yet acceptance is almost impossible to attain.
Everyday people grovel and fight for the acceptance and approval of parents, children,
friends and loved ones; some to their advantage and unfortunately many to
no avail.
We have
based our livelihood on running from rejection, at the very expense of our
sanity and well being. The fear of its’ reality is one so bone chilling that
anything beats the thought of it alone being the actual experience. Many have
likened the feeling to death, a numb state of dismay and utter horror knowing
that the one whom you looked to for love and assurance can no longer be or will
no longer be there. A state of non-comprehension and dismay, physical pain is
of no consequence, life ceases to hold meaning or value in the eyes of the
rejected.
Down cast
and ridden to an empty void of utter loneliness, bordering on depression, being
rejected cuts deep for most and leaves many disoriented. Without a single clue
as to how to fill the present void some run out to find a rebound to make the
pain or confusion disappear others let their hearts ache and some become bitter
and angry. Rejection affects everyone at one point or another and it rocks
every world it hits, how you take the blow is what defines us.
All through
my early childhood I experienced rejection; over the years it became a powerful
stronghold I could not just shake off. With the passing of time my mindset was
so chained to the thought I was not good enough. I was so miserable and so far
away from living the purpose that destiny had laid out for me. For a while it
was so bad that I began to believe that people were justified in rejecting me
.I began to think I deserved not only to be rejected, but also to be pitied. In
the end I decided to self medicate by avoiding rejection .I was just rejecting
anyone and everyone who came close to me. I was so numb and immune to anyone’s
emotional needs. Not knowing better the very same thing I hated I sought to do
to others. Call it madness or insanity I am so guilty of it. Yet I know I am
far from being alone in this corner.
Unfortunately
you can’t run forever and eventually you meet the ill fate you have handed to
many, I recall the dismay when it happened to me. The man I thought would sweep
my feet away told me I was not good enough. This time I did not put on the
‘kick-me' sign pity face. I decided to be an enchantress and weave some magic
and make this man love me. Like a caterpillar a process of metamorphosis
occurred in my brain I sought power, revenge and success. I believed these
three entities would shield me from future encounters of rejection and get my
man back. The man I lost, however success did come but it came at a cost. Love
was lost in the abyss of self. Lonely nights I endured in my comforts until a
penny dropped, life didn’t have to be this way. Love was the thing that could
heal me and that would only come with me accepting the past and leaving the
past behind. A newness of life sprung within me. Eureka! I thought; so it’s
that simple I thought. Yes I have been rejected but hey it stops today I am
taking back my life and living it the way it’s meant to be.
Since
undertaking this new path of thinking I realised forgiveness would play a major
role in my healing. Forgiving myself for the choices I have made and also
forgiving the very same people that have hurt me. I am working progress and I
love the journey like a diamond it’s a daily polishing that makes me shine
brighter every day.
