It doesn't really matter

It doesn’t matter if you’re not perfect if you’re not enough for someone and it doesn’t matter if you’re all alone in this world. Honestly, you’re not! if you make a true and honest analysis you will see that you are far from alone, many times situations require you to be separated and many times we fight it out of fear, but separation is to be embraced. We all need a time out to reflect to grow as individuals to embrace and expand on our uniqueness!

It doesn’t matter if you’re not sure how life works, honestly, no one does. Live life one day at a time throw caution to the wind and be you! If you’re afraid to be scared it’s all allowed, true happiness is when you allow yourself to be without any pressure. Don’t give yourself a hard time; God knows your imperfect that’s why he sent his son to die long before your debut in this world, so you got a chance to live with free will and with the opportunity to choose. Therefore, you need to understand and embrace the power you have and grab the bull by the horns and take responsibility for your life. The days of dictatorship are over don’t blame anyone for your actions and their outcomes, simply ensure that you live your life the best way you can and know that it doesn’t really matter if you make mistakes, if you get it wrong once twice or three times. This is your life and you have got to live it for you the best way you know how.

Out There!

This is the state you’re in when you let yourself fall, you put yourself out there you do things you wouldn’t normally do! Love makes you put yourself out there, you just let go and dive headfirst till unfortunately, you hit the ground. Unfortunately, I’m still hitting the ground head first on this subject but I have hope that I’ll eventually get it right. In the meantime let’s reflect on the experience we have gained in relationships!

Firstly I’d say I don’t Have a clue I’m always the one doing, working and trying to no avail. Women have the tendency to do and try and fix things when in essence a relationship is a two-man sport. That is effort should always be given by both parties and in present society, men feel their job is done by being in a relationship. Anyways I’m not on a trip about men I’m on a trip about my experience with love. So, in the beginning, my relationships were great for the first six months or so then I’d suddenly get bored for some unknown reason. I had a good 3 relationships of this nature and I simply cannot explain why I ended them abruptly it may have been fear of rejection or fear of disappointment, I am still uncertain.

Thereafter I had my first real relationship and that was a great experience I had the lightheaded falling in love stage thereafter the bliss of love then the rocky stages which had me winded, in total this relationship lasted 7 years. I realised in this relationship I took compromise to a whole new level I lost myself in changing to suit his needs if he didn’t like it I simply didn’t do it! Love creates this mirage that you just can’t see past, you give and give until there is nothing left to give, and you find yourself empty all of sudden. This is when you hopefully note lessons, for me, my first lesson is I am me, love me or hate me I will no longer stop being me, to please anyone.

My next lesson is compromise, a two-way street, scratch my back and I will scratch yours. Give and take is the basis of life but not in the sense of giving in order to take but give from your heart and the rest should come naturally. Any relationship is work its success relies on two individuals. My third lesson is, have your own, no prince charming is going to sweep you off your feet and make you happy! It may work for a year or two then it gets played out fast, know who you are where you going and how you plan on getting there before attaching yourself to anyone. These are the basic lessons I have learnt in the last decade, I’m ready for the next decade of experience and better choices I hope! Finally, life is a journey never be afraid to travel heartbreak and disappointment are all unavoidable destinations but how you handle them, changes the experience and if you learn for them all the better, Travel safe

Walking Away!!

After many years of giving and giving a woman has the courage to walk away to leave it all and to take a plunge into the unknown and you wonder why? Why would she leave it all?? And as much as you try to make sense of it you just simply cannot except for the simple deduction that she has found someone else. The reality is that she hasn’t found anyone else and after a lifetime of all the nonsense she has finally reached her limit, everyone has a limit to how much they can take. In as much as we may say we forgive and we genuinely forget when you have had it, it all comes back like indigestion it all just rises and it haunts you daily and brings you so much discomfort and you have to face the fact that the man you loved unconditionally and genuinely was really unworthy or not who you made him out to be.

When you reach this stage it’s as though you wake up one day and you’re slapped across the face with a reality check. Realty can be an ugly companion as it’s the hardest thing to digest, to come to terms with how things really are when you had made things out to be totally different. Love, in essence, is blind as you simply lose all discernment and turn a blind eye to anything that would compromise the current state of happiness one is in. So the reality check is mostly painful because when you look back you see a long fault line that makes you see that the very foundation of the relationship was not solid and you may have wasted a long time trying and working for something that wasn’t meant to be.

Coming to terms with this truth is what destroys people and drives them to either stay, and continue on in their illusion as reality is just too hard to face, or be depressed and heartbroken as they torment themselves with every happy moment to ensure if it may have been real or not. Not many people have the capacity to let it go to appreciate the lessons they have learnt and the experience they have gained in a relationship and walk away. It is what it is and people are who they are! Looking for closure and trying to figure out what went wrong and why things went wrong is only opening a Pandora’s box and when it’s opened instead of gaining closure you unleash demons(figuratively) that you do not have the capacity to face.

I believe if any relationship fails no one person is to blame, it’s a 50/50 failure the best solution is to come to terms with the reality of the entire situation come to terms with the real people in the situation and not the one’s love made them out to be and when you’re done with your assessment see if the two real people are compatible if not walk away and take with you knowledge and experience and go work on your 50% what didn’t you do where do you need to reflect? If you do this you make progress with your life as an individual. The alternative is to look for closure discover new issues and torment your life and eventually move on and begin another disastrous cycle opposed to walking away and getting yourself right and ready for hopefully a better experience as you would have done some personal development and renewed your mind.

Walking away and working on yourself renews who you are and helps you to deal with any underlying issues you may have, In all honesty we all have underlying issues and we can only be worthy of better love when we deal with what is holding us back in our own lives. Relationships are not meant to be for people to find someone who completes them but rather for two complete individuals to complement each other. This I would say is the missing ingredient in most relationships we all looking for the right one instead of simply being the right one!

Running in the wind!!!

With the new direction, my life has taken I have incorporated evening jogs with pit bulls! Yup pit bulls! They are among the strongest dogs in the world and they give one a really good pull so there is no room for slacking. I have come to appreciate these jogs as they are so refreshing after a long stressful day in the office, nothing refreshes quite like running in the wind, you clear your mind and you release all the days’ stresses and mentally prepare yourself for home!

It’s amazing that I am jogging with such a vicious breed of dogs as I was always terrified of dogs, In the past contact with dogs resulted in my heart racing and a splitting headache! But it appears I have somehow overcome my fear of dogs the other day one of the dogs attacked me and I didn’t flinch nor did it deter me from proceeding with my jog with the dog. This is a huge achievement as I had struggled with fear for a long time, so discovering I have conquered this fear is a real testimony in my life as I have always prayed to conquer fear. I’m glad that I’m making spiritual progress in my life it’s very encouraging and uplifting and a positive reminder that I’m on the right track! The road to wholeness!

A new begginning!

The wind blows on my face and for a change, I feel it! There is no pressure my step is relaxed I don’t have to be anywhere or feel anything that isn’t from my heart, this is my new beginning and It’s amazing why did I wait so long? Why was I so afraid to let me be?

So I see my future, it’s looking bright! it’s not clear what is in store but I know and I can feel that the road ahead will be nothing short of amazing, I feel totally liberated. My life had been stagnant for a long time but the still waters seem to be flowing, it’s taken a while for me to get here! I haven’t reached my optimum but it’s always great to reflect on where you have been, to applaud one's successes and learn from one’s mistakes. For some, it is surreal that during this time in my life I should wear a smile but I smile from my heart as the art of letting go brings joy to the soul. Happiness is attained when you begin to listen to your heart and trust yourself. As such at a time that is supposed to be the hardest in my life, I am taking control and feeling so at ease!

So in the last decade, I have loved, lost, brought life into the world and I had many other experiences! Life has been an experience and I appreciate it all, the good the bad and the ugly it’s all been enlightening I feel so blessed with wisdom and experience! Life is an amazing journey and when you take the time to live it, you grow and truly begin to enjoy the ride, the good and the bad all hold a lesson so shutting things out and not taking time to reflect on life, is a disservice to yourself! You’re missing out on the lessons and the experiences life has to offer you. When you’re at your lowest and at your weakest point there you are your strongest, there is the greatest lesson for you to learn. I encourage you to reflect and draw all the experience and wisdom life has brought you too. I wish you too can experience the liberation of a new beginning!