Rejection

This I would say is one of the greatest fears of mankind today, everyone wants to be loved and accepted in society and yet acceptance is almost impossible to attain. Everyday people grovel and fight for the acceptance and approval of parents, children, friends and loved ones; some to their advantage and unfortunately many to no avail.

We have based our livelihood on running from rejection, at the very expense of our sanity and well being. The fear of its’ reality is one so bone chilling that anything beats the thought of it alone being the actual experience. Many have likened the feeling to death, a numb state of dismay and utter horror knowing that the one whom you looked to for love and assurance can no longer be or will no longer be there. A state of non-comprehension and dismay, physical pain is of no consequence, life ceases to hold meaning or value in the eyes of the rejected.

Down cast and ridden to an empty void of utter loneliness, bordering on depression, being rejected cuts deep for most and leaves many disoriented. Without a single clue as to how to fill the present void some run out to find a rebound to make the pain or confusion disappear others let their hearts ache and some become bitter and angry. Rejection affects everyone at one point or another and it rocks every world it hits, how you take the blow is what defines us.

All through my early childhood I experienced rejection; over the years it became a powerful stronghold I could not just shake off. With the passing of time my mindset was so chained to the thought I was not good enough. I was so miserable and so far away from living the purpose that destiny had laid out for me. For a while it was so bad that I began to believe that people were justified in rejecting me .I began to think I deserved not only to be rejected, but also to be pitied. In the end I decided to self medicate by avoiding rejection .I was just rejecting anyone and everyone who came close to me. I was so numb and immune to anyone’s emotional needs. Not knowing better the very same thing I hated I sought to do to others. Call it madness or insanity I am so guilty of it. Yet I know I am far from being alone in this corner.

Unfortunately you can’t run forever and eventually you meet the ill fate you have handed to many, I recall the dismay when it happened to me. The man I thought would sweep my feet away told me I was not good enough. This time I did not put on the ‘kick-me' sign pity face. I decided to be an enchantress and weave some magic and make this man love me. Like a caterpillar a process of metamorphosis occurred in my brain I sought power, revenge and success. I believed these three entities would shield me from future encounters of rejection and get my man back. The man I lost, however success did come but it came at a cost. Love was lost in the abyss of self. Lonely nights I endured in my comforts until a penny dropped, life didn’t have to be this way. Love was the thing that could heal me and that would only come with me accepting the past and leaving the past behind. A newness of life sprung within me. Eureka! I thought; so it’s that simple I thought. Yes I have been rejected but hey it stops today I am taking back my life and living it the way it’s meant to be.

Since undertaking this new path of thinking I realised forgiveness would play a major role in my healing. Forgiving myself for the choices I have made and also forgiving the very same people that have hurt me. I am working progress and I love the journey like a diamond it’s a daily polishing that makes me shine brighter every day.