Hatred

A good alternate title for this blog would be granddaddy issues as he is the basis of this sad topic. Hate I was always taught is very destructive and vastly wrong but somehow if I’m honest with myself it is the emotion I feel toward my grandfather. I am not proud of it nor do I encourage it but I am pretty sure I am not the only one out here dealing with such a negative emotion, and as such I will share my battle with hatred and hopefully it might be a step in the right direction for me.

I have never held so much compounded anger towards a person ever and I don’t think I would ever hold so much towards another person as of now if you’re wrong I just disassociate myself with you. Unfortunately when you are young you don’t have such options and well I was stuck with my grandfather for sixteen long years. Now my grandfather isn’t a murderer or rapist or anything extreme but for me he was hell, I have touched base before on his alcoholism and verbal abuse which is something he still does till this day which is so sad I have never met a soul so bitter and self destructive before.

I say that because this is a man that has had many try and shower their love and affection and most importantly forgiveness upon him and his response is that of a rabbied dog, just to attack and hurt those who try and care for him. I have no understanding of his plan as he isolates everyone which is fortunate for him and unfortunate for his family because they keep going back for more, however since I left the house when I was sixteen I have had a very cold and guarded approach toward him mostly out of fear that I might murder the old man and well also out of knowledge of the character I am dealing with.

My grandfather did few things to hurt or destroy me personally and I think my real anger lies in the way he treated my grandmother who I loved dearly, and for some unknown reason she loved this man. She was never treated with love, affection, respect or care, and that is just the tip of the ice berg I watched so many injustices dealt to her at the hand of this old man and all she did was work and feed him and tolerate everything. This drove me crazy it was beyond me why a man could be so blind and why a woman would tolerate such and watching this over the years made me so angry and when my grandmother died it turned to hatred as I felt at the hands of this man an amazing woman failed to live and receive the amazing life she so deserved.